Just say No

No, this isn't a diatribe on drugs.  It's really about sanity and keeping it.  This year I have tried to say, "No," with great frequency.  While this might not seem like a positive statement it really is.  Saying, "No" to volunteer opportunities, extra-curriculars and even music lessons and a lot of enrichment activities for my son is actually saying, "yes" to time at home, time to spend as a family and time to rejuvenate.

In this time of "FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out), sometimes it's good to miss out.  Sometimes, because I'm a helpful person and people are aware of this, it has been hard for me to say no, especially when friends are in a jam.  (Depending on the friend, the nature of the issue and how helpful I might be, I might say, "yes").  I've told myself, "if I say "No," I'm giving someone else the opportunity to say, "Yes."  Someone who is maybe shy or reluctant to step out and normally assumes that people like me will just do it.

This saying, "No" has been especially helpful and yet hard at Advent.  Go to Christmas concert or go to holiday event at zoo?  My husband has been helpful in my life to slow me down.  My husband and son are definitely introverts, and they need their down time.  I have become that way more and more over the years.  I don't know if I'm a natural introvert, or if over 12 years of having to play nice with people who aren't so nice at work, (you know, those people who push your buttons, who just try to do things to get a rise out of you by treating you poorly) has made me into an introvert.  We all need quiet time and we all need some time at home to enjoy with our family.

My family has said, "No" to Elf on the Shelf, even though my kid told me everyone in his class has an elf.  Instead we have multiple Advent calendars and incorporate prayer into our Advent.  This is our family culture and we are fine saying "No" to some stuff.

I like to remember that we have Epiphany and the stuff I wasn't able to get done before December 25th, can still happen after Epiphany.  We organize "Epiphany Caroling" at a retirement home every Epiphany.  Everyone in our Lay Dominican group enjoys it and it's a lot easier on everyone's schedule to do an event in January rather than squeezing something more into December.

Figure out what's important to your family, give yourself grace when you aren't able to do things you wanted to.  As a matter of fact, we normally put up 3 wreaths on our front windows every year.  I got a wreath on the main window and told my husband the others may not happen.  I told him, "That's the frosting, it's not necessary if it's going to stress us out (it involves taking screens out of third story windows).  He told me, "I like the frosting,"  I told him, "I'll go without frosting if it means going without cranky."

We will see if I ever do get the wreaths up, our son won't remember that, but he will remember if mommy and daddy were cranky and I'm fine saying "No" if it means saying "yes" to sanity.  Give yourself grace if you didn't get everything done this year and focus on what is important.


It occurred to me as I was lamenting that no matter how much I plan and chop from my to do list, I still don’t have the house as ready as I want or the cookies baked and the gifts prepared.
Mary and Joseph weren’t really physically ready for Jesus- I mean they didn’t have a hotel reservation and she gave birth in a manger.   That didn’t matter though.  They were spiritually ready and God took care of the rest.

Though we may not be physically ready, let’s pray for spiritual readiness and the grace to have open hearts this Christmas season.

Purple Light and unsolicited advice

The other day as I was leaving the gym, a boy about 3 years old came running by me with his mother hollering behind him.  His mom was pushing a stroller with a baby and had no hope of keeping up.  It didn't look like the boy was being disobedient, just an energetic 3 year old.

I slowed down and turned to him and said, "it sounds like your mommy wants you to come back."  The mother was rushing to get him and thanked me for keeping him from running into the busy parking lot.  I turned to her and said, "you know what really used to work for my son?"  I could see the eyes rolling in the back of her head, like "great, I have to hear some unwanted advice."  I knew if my husband was there he would chide me for giving unwanted advice, but I continued.  "We did red light, green light," her eyes told me she had tried that before, and there may have even been a sigh.  "But we had a purple light."  She was now intrigued.  "Purple light means, come back and give me a hug."  She smiled.  She liked that, she said.  I told her, "It's hard for kids and adults to get a red light, but a purple light is fun."  She told her son.  He started to run and then she said, "Purple light" and he ran back to her and gave her a hug.

A little later as I walked back to my car, I heard the little boy call "Purple light" on his own and run back to his mom and give her a hug.  She gave me a big thank you and said, "Wow, thanks so much, this is life-changing."  Unsolicited advice is not always bad...  When you feel the urge to share something helpful, remember if given in a non-judgemental and sympathetic way, it could just be "life-changing"