Sometimes you find yourself saying things your parents say...

 Finding yourself repeating to your children things your parents used to tell you can be rather cliche.

A while back though, I found myself saying something I think our Heavenly Father may have been telling me.  I heard it through my own mouth telling my son.

"My job isn't to make you happy.  It's to make you good."  Now obviously, God wants our happiness and parents want their children to be happy.  But the primary objective is that happiness is the fruit of goodness.

My son was advocating for video games as a way to happiness.  Unfortunately our family (and I will go ahead and indict all of our family) fell into some bad habits during the pandemic.  Whether it's social media, video games or just scrolling the phone (thankfully my son doesn't have his own phone yet), we were losing our way.

I explained to my son it was for everyone's good that we got re-centered on what mattered, and our time is valuable.

I'm not sure how much my son actually processed, but I processed my words.  I ask God for things that make me happy- that's a pretty natural thing for a child to do.  I need to understand though that just because He says "No" is not because he doesn't want me to be happy.  It's because he wants me to be good.  I am meant to be Holy, as we all are.  Sometimes wonderful blessings are not given to us.  Sometimes suffering is a part of our journey.  It is not because the Lord wants us to be unhappy.  He has greatness in store for us.  We need to rely on his paternal wisdom and the faith that some day happiness- eternal happiness is the fruit of our goodness.

Some more good books...

I meant to share these this summer, but things have been busy and I've been trying to keep up with my reading.  For some reason I'm really drawn to historical fiction.  Although the times can be dark, I love the stories or romance and heroism and it reminds me no matter what difficulties we are dealing with, humanity has gotten through many difficulties before.  I think my favorites on this list are the Codebreakers Secret and The Last White Rose.  The Last White Rose might make it to the top of my recommendations as it's the first time in 40 years I actually understand what the War of The Roses was about!

The Last White Rose

By Alison Weir

Well written historical fiction. Great way to bring history to life, shows the complexity of the characters and of the time. This is a very enjoyable read. It's not a quick read, it has a lot of detail and suspense and political intrigue. This book caused me to look back and see what the real history of the times were. It's fascinating the murder, mystery and political intrigue that were common in those days. I'd always heard about the "War of the Roses" but now have a greater grasp of it. This is a well-written book that is intriguing and a good read. 

The Codebreakers Secret

By Sara Ackerman

Great book!  Engaging, once I got into it, I couldn't put it down.  It seems like there are two different stories between wartime Hawaii and the wartime 60's, but of course the stories are interwoven.  A little bit of mystery, a great love story, throw in some suspense and murders this is a great book and I would read it again.  I also love all the details and language from Hawaii as well as the strong female characters.  I look forward to reading other books by this author.

The Girl From Guernica 

By Karen Robards

This was a great story.  A little romance action and suspense.  A, strong intelligent female character and an engaging and unpredictable story line.  I overall really enjoyed reading this book.  The book started fast and then slowed a little, but the great start helped get me engaged and want to keep reading.  A enjoyable read, one caution would be there are some parts of the book that are intense and show the gruesomeness of war, so not for people who are sensitive to that.

Raising Emotionally Strong Boys

By David Thomas

This book seemed to come to me at just the right time!  I love how its a fairly easy and quick read, but has lots of nuggets and tips.  The chapters are organized well with action items at the end of each chapter.  This book actually prompted us to go out and get some boxing gloves for my son (for him to box the couch when frustrated).  I think this is a book I will read and re-read.  Great for parents of young kids all the way up to young adults.  I love how this also incorporates Christian teaching and morality throughout the book.  It would be helpful for secular and non secular readers, but it's great to have a modern parenting book that has a Biblical anchor.

These books were provided as advance copies in exchange for my honest review.

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Remembering to ask for help...

 I don't typically think of myself as someone who has a problem asking for help.  As a short person, I'm always asking tall people for help.  I also have to ask for help when I'm working.  Handling a dangerous animal, working fast to save a life, you learn to ask for help for everyone's sake.

I'm not too bad at asking for help from my husband or son either, but when it comes to other people, I'm less likely to ask for help.  I tend to feel guilty, or know that other people are just as busy, or busier than I am.  I like to offer to help others.  My husband often sees how my effort to help others will sometimes put our life off track momentarily, but I like to think of it as happy chaos.

A friend of ours last night asked if we could pick up her son, ( a good friend of my son from school) as she had an unexpected meeting.  She was apologetic.  I told her, "Why don't we pick him up and keep him for a playdate?  My son would love to have a playdate with him."  This worked out well and his Mom is getting to work uninterrupted this afternoon.  We have some other family friends, that in the past couple years, I'm more likely to ask for them to help with pick up from school, etc..  For a while, we were paying the older sister in the family to babysit (even though the parents were driving, etc.).  The family told us we didn't need to pay for a babysitter.  Our son had become like family to them and they were happy to help.  They are used to having the benefits of extended family in the area, whereas our family and our friend from last night are not.  I was thinking today that, for a lot of people and especially my generation and before, picking up other peoples kids, having them go to other people's houses, asking for last minute help was pretty normal (in some communities and situations, I'm sure this is still normal today).  But sometimes we either aren't comfortable with the community around us, don't know them that well or don't want to inconvenience others.  I think the worry about inconveniencing others is something we should try to let go of.  

Yes, we need to be respectful of the time and needs and situations of others.  Yes, some people have trouble with boundaries and saying, "No".   So maybe don't ask people if you know they would say yes to anything.  For those friends though that you can, ask.  I asked someone who I have a budding friendship with if she'd help me with my son's Halloween costume.  She totally could have said no.  I was half expecting it, or for her to charge me for her time (I did offer to pay).  Not only did she do a wonderful job, she told me she prayed for my family while she was working on it.  I was able to offer her some consolation and practical support, as we were able to be prayer partners for each other.  She was grateful to help out, to do something out of the ordinary for her and to give of herself.  Her kids are growing older, and my son's Halloween costume was her "opportunity to have someone wear a Halloween costume I made."

When we help and give of ourselves to others, we receive so much.  I think sometimes we need to allow others to give to us as well.  It benefits both the giver and the recipient.  Don't feel guilty about asking for help.  The worst that can happen is they say no.  The gifts that could happen are numerous.