The Vet as a client...

It's an awkward experience, being on the other side of the exam table.  Today, I took my dog to the veterinary dentist.  While I am able (and actually enjoy) doing dentistry, I don't do it on my own pets. I try not to ever even do anesthesia on them, as I know I would be more likely to react emotionally than professionally.

My dog was happy to go in the car.  Then, he got to take his first ferry ride ever.  With the nice weather we have now in the Mid-Atlantic, I even opened a window for him.  We got to the clinic and he immediately wanted to greet and play with a St. Bernard.  Everyone thought he was a puppy, not the "senior" he is.  At over 7 years for a large breed, he is considered a senior and in another 2 years, he will be "geriatric".  It's hard to believe.  As he sat at my feet and shed a pound of his hair coat in the waiting room, I thought about our relationship.  I was his third owner at 5 months of age.  He is the first dog I had all on my own.  I remember as I took him to training classes, the trainer said he was the perfect student.  I however- well let's just say I got the same admonishment from my piano teacher, "practice, practice practice".

He probably saved me more times then I knew.  As a petite young woman, I'm sure he scared off plenty of people from messing with me.  A 5'2" women- no intimidation- with a Rottweiller-Shepherd looking hybrid- pretty intimidating.  At least 3 guys who may have had other intentions, were scared by him and at least one almost-robbery thwarted.  And yet, my big intimidating dog is like a marshmallow when it comes to my 6.5 pound cat.  She rules him and he knows it.  As I sat down, thinking about all these memories, my dog was just soaking in all the attention he could get.  The toddler was no longer vying for attention with him, he loved being the center of attention.  As I thought of all these things, I did get a little nervous about him going under anesthesia.  I often have been on the opposite side of the conversation, "anesthesia is safe, we will do everything we can, etc." The colleague I was entrusting him to is the most trust-worthy and capable.  But yet- there's that emotional bond.   The doctor talked with me and everything he said, are things I've said before.  The technician (veterinary nurse) came in and I found myself saying that often used line to excuse bad behavior, "he's a little neurotic because he's a rescue".

Well, apparently he did fine and I'm glad he did get the procedure because we found out he did have an abscessed tooth (neither the dentist nor I had expected that).  The bright side, possibly insurance might cover some of the procedure.  From the finances to the emotion, it looks like I got some of my own medicine today...

Cry room at Church

The cry room.  There are mixed feelings on this term and who uses it.  I feel it is a personal decision that you decide the circumstances that are best for your family.

My parents brought me up by having my sister and I sit at the front of the Church and watch Mass.  I don't know if it was our personality, or the fact that we were girls, but I think for the most part, we were content to be quiet, play with our books or go to sleep (this I remember doing most often).  Having a young, active toddler boy, he doesn't do any of those things.  His activities he likes to do at Mass include: jumping off the kneeler, screaming and being squirmy.  Yes, there are times he's an angelic, patient, quiet boy.  Let's just say his parents are like ducks.  They look peaceful and calm, but we are struggling to keep the peace.

One of the churches that we go to does not have a cry room, or even a vestibule, and so going to Mass can be a feat of endurance similar to a marathon.  Sometimes our son is good, sometimes not.  We try to engage him in the Mass and he is fascinated by the Cross and by the giving of the gifts.  We focus on these things.  It has helped that we have tried to go to daily Mass at least once a week and starting from an early age.  My son knows that you are supposed to be quiet and whisper.  He knows this is a place where we behave respectfully.  While knowledge does not always equal behavior, he is pretty good and we have had others comment on that.  They don't seem to comment when he's having a bad day, but the eyebrows give us all the feed back we need.

Some people like the cry room.  I know there have been times where I just want to take him in there and let him do whatever.  I am more likely to use it during daily Mass because my husband is often not there to help with  the endurance race.  I have learned though that it is sometimes an "easy fix" for my son.  I like to avoid the cry room.  I mean after all, raising my son means introducing him to the expectations of behaving during Mass.

There's also the matter of during weekend Masses both the vestibule of the Church and The Cry Room can become like kindling to an explosive child.  Oftentimes there are other parents out there who have given up on trying to keep their child contained or even adults who are having conversations with each other.  That's not really helpful in "training" a kid how to behave.

I think a key "clue" for me has been when my son has asked, and even screamed, "I want to go to the Cry Room".  I made the mistake of taking him there last Friday when we went to the Stations of The Cross.  After a long weekday and during his normal getting ready for bed time, we went as a family.  We knew this may not work out so well, but we tried it.  There is nothing like a kid screaming during Stations of the Cross.  I also couldn't blame him for not having concentration after a long day.  A lot of adults can't handle the patience and prayer of Stations of the Cross.  We went to the Cry Room.  He proceeded to find all sorts of new books and things that he wanted to look at and me to read.  I tried to get some spiritual experience out of the Stations.

Sunday morning, as his father got him dressed for Mass, he started telling him, "I want to go to the Cry Room, Can I go to the Cry Room?"  Um, no.  That's not a goal.  So I got together a bag with more of his own "Church books" and vowed we would not step foot in the room.  It's a difficult feat.  There's the balance of respecting others rights to a peaceful Mass and training your child how to behave.

The following anecdotes may help for those out there who get annoyed with parents like myself keeping their child in the Church and not automatically going to the Cry Room.

A man shared with myself and another friend with a young child, something that he had experienced. When he was a young parent of 5 kids, his wife and him were getting to the point where they thought that maybe they had to split up the family, so one of the parents would stay home with the youngest and go to Mass separately.  It didn't help when a woman at the Church said something to his young wife.  The pastor wisely intervened.  He told the woman that she should rejoice in the sound that the little one was making.  He said, "It gives me great joy to hear those sounds, because it is an indication that God has not given up on humans yet, he is continuing to create us."

I also was at a spiritual retreat where young ones were welcome and the priest called them, "Humans under construction".  Construction isn't always pleasant and it certainly isn't quiet, but when exercised in a disciplined way with a mind for the future, greatness can be created.

Mercy

I've been wanting to write about mercy for a while, in this Year of Mercy.  I'm not a theologian, and my philosophy degree was obtained long ago.  My only credential for talking about mercy, I think possibly, is as a parent.  The following are bits and pieces of wisdom I'm slowly drinking in from the well of Mercy.

Oftentimes, I think it's easy to think of mercy as a free pass.  Well, I can go do this and this, because God is merciful, right?   I think especially the way the media and our modern society covers the Year of Mercy, we may get caught into a narrow definition.  God does not hold grudges.  He is kind of like a parent who watches a child put a square peg in a round hole.  You want to step in, you want to smooth the way, but our individual choices can make our journeys harder or easier, dependent on our choices 

Yes, God is a God of mercy, a God of love.  You can not have mercy without conversion or conversion without mercy.  As Carlo Cardinal Caffara shared in "Eleven Cardinals Speak" (citation below).  "Mercy without (any requirement for) conversion is not divine mercy.  It is the mistaken pity of an incompetent and/or weak physician who contents himself with bandaging wounds instead of treating them."

As St. Ambrose said: "I will not glory because I am free of sins, but because sins have been forgiven me." 

Vatican Radio did a recent podcast talking about a woman whose son had died in World War I.  She had had a dream that an angel had told her she could have 10 minutes with her son.  What period of life would she like to spend with him?  When he was an infant?  When he was a bright-eyed soldier going off to war?  No, she told the angel, I want to spend the time with him when he was little and told me he hated me.  He then came back a couple of minutes later, teary-eyed and knowing he was wrong and apologized to me.  That's the time I spent with him when I loved him most.  The point of their podcast is that is when God loves us most.  When we come back to him, when we know we are wrong and we ask for his mercy.

Our pastor shared the following with us in this Year of Mercy.  This was found written, scribbled on a piece of wrapping paper in a place where over 50,000 people had died.

The Ravensbruck Prayer

Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will also those of ill will.
But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us.
Remember the fruits we have brought, thanks to this suffering--our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown out of all this.
And when they come to judgment, let all the fruits we have borne be their
forgiveness. Amen 

Some following resources on mercy I would recommend:

Among Women Podcast:  Blessed, Beautiful and Bodacious.  This is a beautiful and inspiring podcast that discusses Saints and women's aspirations for Holiness.  I would recommend Espresso Shot #6: The Year of Mercy

Eleven Cardinals Speak on Marriage and the Family.  Essays from a Pastoral Viewpoint.  Ignatius Press.  San Francisco 2015.   A beautiful book discussing the Synod on the Family as well as mercy.

Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst The Rwandan Holocaust. Immaculee Ilabigizza

Images By Pixabay

5 Things I'm Loving (or at least appreciating) this week

It's been a rough week.  I ended the last work week with euthanizing a very young pet for a bad disease.  That was just a bad situation overall.  Then my son came down with a really nasty bug.  We have not gotten much sleep this week.  Did I tell you I gave up coffee for Lent?  Well, after only 20 minutes of sleep total last night, I figured Jesus would be cool with me having a cup of coffee in exchange for me being a functional mother, vs. the alternative.  Anyways, I will try to focus on the positive.

1) Just a spoonful of sugar...  Even though I had always thought of myself as a parent who wouldn't resort to bribery...  Generally my son takes medication pretty well.  But I know when it comes to amoxicillin, from personal experience and my own patients' experience, it's just nasty tasting stuff.  I've worked out a deal with my son where he grimaces down the antibiotic and then he may have a bit of Krispy Kreme donut.  It seems to be working well so far.  Check back with me next week, or better yet after his dentist appointment later this month.

2) Understanding coworkers and good food.  As previously stated, I'm not digging veterinary medicine right now.  It's been a rough week/month with a lot of euthanasias and multiple patients that I've been caring for for several years coming down with bad cancer.  I'm not sure if it's the Leap Year, as one of my coworkers noted, but it's been rough.  Instead of resorting to alcohol or drugs, I've been resorting to good food and laughter.  Maybe the laughter will help wear off the pounds from the good food?  I don't know, I'll worry about that later...

3) A helpful husband.  Unfortunately my son only really wants me in the middle of the night.  All the NIGHT.  But my husband is helpful where he can be.  Either getting him from his room, bringing him back from our room, or giving me a breather when I feel like I'm going mad, he's a good backup.  It was also nice this morning when he told me he had completely prepped dinner and all I had to do was toss it in the slow-cooker.  That definitely was a mood lifter to know that I didn't have to try to chop a bunch of stuff and prep with a clingy, grouchy toddler.

4) People who keep it in perspective.  I had my Dominican meeting recently and as we were all lamenting the upcoming election and general unrest, our spiritual leader priest said he gave up having angst about the election for Lent.  He said this pretty much involved not watching the news or talking with a lot of people, but he was working on just putting it in God's hands.  He helped me keep my angst in perspective.

5) Either a good immune system or at least a delayed virus..  I feel the beginnings of a respiratory bug, but I'm at least grateful I didn't have the 102 F fever and nastiness my son had at the same time.  It would have been really hard to be patient with his crankiness if I was cranky myself, so I'm grateful I dodged a bullet, or have at least delayed it..

Sicky sick Tuesday

We awoke yesterday to all the males in the house sick.  The dog had leftover GI upset from something the toddler gave him over the weekend.  The hubby was sick with a short something I'm not exactly sure what it is and the toddler has something nasty.

It's rather interesting how from experience with dogs and cats, I know what 102 degrees feels like.  Yesterday he stayed home with Daddy and watched a Curious George and Baseball marathon.  Today appears like it will be a narcolepsy and tantrum marathon.  The fortunate thing is there must be some maternal gene that turns on when your son is sick that it still keeps you sympathetic during irrational tantrums, kicking and screaming every hour on the hour.  The doctor says its just a virus, I hope for all our sanity it's over soon.

The above is an apology for yet another non-blog post.  I'll try to write a bonus one this week...

Just a brief post today...

I've been behind on sleep for oh... maybe the past month?  Between working long hours at a couple of places where the job is very physical, coming home and trying to catch up on stuff around the house and a vacation that was fun- but nevertheless traveling with a toddler and a toddler that appears to be afraid to be in his bed by himself in the middle of the night, I"m beat.  I know, I know, that was a massive run on sentence, but maybe you get a sense of my exhaustion?

Tuesday at the acupuncturist, I fell asleep.  The acupuncturist actually looked a little sheepish that he had to wake me up and turn the lights on.  "You fell asleep with needles in your body?" my husband asked shocked.  Yes, I was able to fall asleep during acupuncture.

Last night I had a lot of great ideas for a blog post.  We put my son to bed.  I laid on the couch and next thing I knew I was out cold at 8:30 pm.  Even the fiery debate last night was not enough to keep me awake.   So... blogpost not written.  Thanks for our patience.  I woke up this morning next to my two year old not grumpy about him getting into our bed, so I guess that means I'm not more well-rested...

5 Great Things I've learned from my husband on saving money

1) Menu Planning.  I admit I'm kind of a foodie.  I also very much appreciate spontaneity and going with my "mood" when it comes to food.  This created a dilemma in my single life.  I quite often wasted a lot of food that looked good to me when I was shopping, but I didn't have the willpower to actually cook it or didn't feel like eating it when I came home after a long day.  My husband likes to plan ahead.  He introduced me to actually writing down everything you need for a week of meals and planning out the week of meals and trying not to buy anything that isn't on your list.  I'm not so good at that last part, but I'm getting better.  Menu planning has helped us to minimize waste.  I've helped him with "recycling" or planning like meals.  Meaning, if we are making tacos, we should make something else that uses tortillas that week, or if we buy a bag of hamburger buns, we should make hamburgers and sloppy joes that week.  Not only has menu planning been good for our wallet I think it's also a lot better for the environment.

2) Spaving.  This is the concept of spending more to save more.  It sounds like a good idea but quite often isn't.  This is easy to do at bulk stores, like Costco, or at clothing stores, "if you spend $50, save $10."  So if you are thinking you will buy a sweater for $35, you are tempted to buy more in order to get the discount.  My husband points this out to me when I'm tempted with impulse buys.

3) Research!  I quite often do research before buying new products, especially big-ticket items, but my husband also does this before buying toys for our son and other items.  He has quite often found bad reviews, or information that demonstrates that the item we are considering may not be the best fit for our needs.  This also helps prevent impulse buys.

4) Coupons.  I still remember helping my mom cut coupons when I was a little kid.  My husband has taken cutting coupons to a new level though.  He cuts them for EVERYTHING and he makes sure we get double or triple the value of the coupon or to use them along with sales.  This has saved us a fair amount of money on many everyday supplies.

5) Planning.  Like I said, I'm the spontaneous half of the relationship.  My husband is the planner.  Whether it's a vacation, a weekend outing or pretty much anything, my husband will plan.  While spontaneity has it's own benefits and joys, his planning does help us save money and pick low-cost or even free activities and opportunities.

Of course, many of the above has been demonstrated by my parents, but it's great to think of how my hubby and I both bring different gifts to our money-saving repertoire.