I can't believe it's August...

 I was just talking to a client the other day, and I can't believe it's August!  (Cue reminder to give my pets their monthly heartworm and flea and tick preventative, I somehow always remember it when I'm telling others to do it and it escapes my memory when I return home).  I could do a whole other post on fleas and ticks (maybe next week).

Somehow though, the Lazy Days of Summer seem to be my crunch time.  Time to try to get those school projects started, time to realize all the things I had put off until summer need to get done.  Trying to develop systems so that when September comes it doesn't hit us like a gong.  Compounding those things is the realization that an overseas trip that I was supposed to go on two years ago and kept being pushed back is actually going to happen.  Excitement, anxiety, yep, sounds like. a new school year.

It's easy to get anxious, but I will focus on some blessings.  After 42 years of life, I have actually found some systems that keep me on track.  I have a husband who can help keep me on track and I have a kid who can smile and give me a hug even on days when I completely go off track.  I also have the blessing that my son's school has school supplies included within tuition.  I think I was bummed about this his kindergarten year because I didn't really get to do "Back To School" shopping for him.  It also helps that he wears a uniform, so I'm free of a whole mental load I appreciate others have to deal with.

We haven't gone to the pool as much as we were hoping to and we haven't gotten to go on our annual camping trip (a combination of a wrench thrown into my husbands work schedule and some bad weather).  We have had a lot of fun experiences, and the feeling like just maybe things are returning to normal.

I hope the start of your August has been good and please share any tips you have for having a calm and peaceful start to the academic year.  We can't control peace in our World (though we can pray for it), but we can set the tone for Peace in our home.

Summer Reading

 I've been getting some good reading done this summer.  Either waiting for appointments, or just hanging out or traveling, I've been able to accomplish a lot of reading.  I'd like to share some of my favorite books. I will try to continue to do a "Book Review Tuesday" as we get into the heat of the summer : )

"Playing Doctor" by John Lawrence was a humorous and fun read.  While it shared some intense situations because it is a autobiography about a doctor in training, it was done in a lighthearted and humble manner.  I could very much relate to the stories and share with the author its the humans, more than the medicine that makes our jobs difficult.

This was a very entertaining and engaging book.  As a veterinarian who has done advanced training, I can very much relate to the medical mishaps, and how dealing with people is a lot harder than the medicine.  This was humorous and yet times educational.  The author has a great way of telling the stories with a humble and humorous perspective.  The author is eclectic and has a wide range of interests.  It is apparent he is a fun guy and someone you'd want to entertain you in times of need (and he'd be a fun character to drink a beer with at a bar).  I'm sure his medical skills have progressed beyond where he was as a student and a resident, but we all have to start somewhere and this was a fun reminder of "good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement."  A very entertaining and fairly easy read.

In a different genre, I also enjoyed, "Escape from Amsterdam" by Lauralee Bliss.  This was a good book overall.  It was intriguing and easy to read.  While the World War II genre already has a rather large collection, this book seemed to be fresh and offer a new perspective.  The Christian/faith based perspective brought something lighter to a genre that can be heavy and difficult.  While the darkness of the period was present, the material had enough innocence that a 4th grader would be able to hear or read it without being traumatized.  An overall engaging book and love story that took place during a difficult time in history.

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A Different Perspective

 I've written about this topic before, but I will write about it again.  Especially since it seems our culture is on a precipice with the dignity and goodness of the gift of life.

My husband and I (and our son) have been waiting for 4 years.  I'd like to think patiently waiting (but truthfully, it's not always like that) to add a new member to our family through the gift of adoption.  We went through the home study, the interviews, the deep peak into our lives as well as all the tests.   My son's pediatrician said it was the first time she ever drug tested a 5 year old (we found out later it was an error on the paperwork).  Thankfully, he complied.

The wait has had its highs and lows.  The hope of maybe we will get picked (the biological parents pick adoptive parents through our agency, or the first option is the person who is waiting longest).  I think the longest waiting in our agency has been 7 years.  My husband and I have searched our hearts and from the beginning have been open to babies with special needs and special circumstances.  We've had to look up rare genetic disorders, or refresh our memories regarding other special situations.  We've offered up our family as a potential home.  There can definitely be a feeling of rejection at times.  I remember one point thinking, "do we look too old, too ugly, should I get a professional photographer?"  When you try and try and try again and it just doesn't work out, it can get hard.

Christmas and Mother's Day and often school events where I see these big beautiful families can be hard.  My son feels it too.  He gets sad at grandparents day, when the grandparents come to school, because he's the only kid in the family.  He has wanted a brother or sister as long as he can remember.  He has also had an open heart with us.  He says whether it's a brother or sister he receives, he will be happy.  He has even told us if the child wasn't able to play sports with him, was in a wheelchair or had bones that would break easily and limit activity, he would rejoice in being a brother.

It's easy to get disheartened, it's easy to be saddened, it easy to feel like infertility is a huge injustice.

I believe we have found the gift of it though.  The gift to realize how precious life is and to grow in our love and faith.  Every time we find out we aren't picked and we were hopeful because we thought it would be a good pick, it hurts.  That's just being honest.  I do see the graces though, and I'm sure, at the end of time, God will show us why he meant this journey for us.

I am fairly open with providing testimony and I'd like to provide it here.  Whether a baby has a medical need, emotional need or expected difficulties, they are wanted.  I told our pastor that babies with Downs Syndrome are quite competitive to adopt.  I've told my friend who is a pediatrician (and receives numerous texts about all sorts of medical conditions so we can understand what we would potentially be signing up for) how we have not been bothering him in vain.  We have put our name forward for those babies and we just weren't chosen.

I tell the people I work with, our friends how long we've been waiting, and I share with them when I think we just might have a chance (our life could change remarkably with one phone call, so I have to let the people I work for that I have to be careful with commitments).  Living a life in limbo for 4 years is hard.  Not knowing if vacations you plan will get changed or you will travel out of state to a pediatric hospital with one phone call, it takes some adaptability and spontaneity.  It is worth it for us.

This journey is especially worth it if I get to share with others how wanted these babies are.  One friend gave our name over to a mother who was trying to make a decision with what she wanted to do with an unexpected pregnancy.  I promptly sent pictures so she could see what a family who is hoping to add a member might look like.  I was told she was interested in adoption and I had her contact our social worker.  I don't know what happened, but I hope to hear, some day that she chose life.

Fostering is an option that we looked into before adoption.  There is a variety of factors that this would not work for us at this time.  Sadly, where we live, you must get the biological parents permission to enter a church with the foster child.  We were told to expect that you would not be able to go to Mass as a family, be prepared a parent would stay home with the foster child.  As our faith is a huge part of our life (my son actually found me on Google Earth in the Church parking lot).  This just didn't seem the best option at this time.  We hope circumstances will change and we may be able to foster children in the future.

I share the above because as we discuss things in this time, the equation has more pieces than what seem to be discussed.  There are loving families who wait and grieve for the family members they would have welcomed.  Please share this with young people, so that they can share as well that there are families looking to God's grace and the gift of biological parents to increase.

Evangelizing as a Lay Person

 An acquaintance of mine was talking with some friends and a priest.  He lamented that the priest gets to evangelize, but Lay people really don't.  He thought that lay people evangelizing meant pointing out to other people how their lives are less than Catholic.

I became rather passionate about his misunderstanding and said, "What?  There are so many ways to evangelize!  Just living joyfully in this broken world is evangelization in itself."

I tried to explain how I work in a very secular world.  I don't even know of any other Catholics that I work with.  I don't shout from the rooftops I'm Catholic, but I don't hide it either.  As a matter of fact, most people have probably figured out that I'm Catholic from a silent practice I do.

In the Workplace (and the rest of my life as well)

1) Before meals or snacks, whether people are present or not, I make the Sign of the Cross.

2) When someone shares a difficulty or obstacle, I ask them if they would mind if I pray for them

3) When people ask me about our adoption journey, and if we are still waiting, I share with them we have been waiting over 4 years, and that we are open to babies with difficulties, babies with Downs Syndrome, etc., and that there are SOOO many people waiting that our adoption agency has been closed to new waiting families for over 2 years.

Small things in the Real World;

1) I try to request/recommend our library purchase Catholic books (I recommend them for the online library, so it's just a couple of steps on an app, I'm sure you could do this in-person as well).  I may have already read them, but if they purchase them based on my recommendation, others will get an opportunity to read them as well.

2) When I'm on the phone, even with customer service people, etc. if an opportunity comes up to discuss prayer or faith, I will.  There was one day, where I was in a bit of a hurry and the customer service representative was polite and talkative.  One part of me just wanted to say, "Just fill my prescription."  Instead, I kept the door open and the woman told me how her mother has been sick.  I asked her what her mom's name was so we could include her in our family prayer that night.  She sounded like she teared up and was so grateful for the prayers.

3) Sometimes, it's just being open to situations that come up and just showing up as your authentic self.

4) I sometimes have to remind myself, "I have a Pro-Life magnet on the back of my car."  This reminder makes me more patient as a driver, and more likely to let people merge or behave in a more generous way while driving.  If I'm pro-Life, the message is going to be received more if I'm selfless.

5) Going along with the above...  Thanks to my Pro-Life magnet, an old coworker spotted my car and knew it was my car (I had no idea she had actually noticed my magnet, as people don't always notice those things).  She came out of the business she was in to find me because she noticed my car.  She then introduced me to someone who presented me with an opportunity.  All because I was recognized by the Magnet (and make and model) of my car.

Living an authentic Catholic life is the BEST form of evangelization, I sometimes think.  Of course I try to do other Works of Charity and kindness and discipleship.  But I really think the most progress I have is just being authentic.  I will often randomly have conversations that are pro-life, pro-adoption, pro-naprotechnology, etc..  My husband wonders how these topics ever come up, but living authentically, they do and I've learned to be open, present a non-judgmental point of view and yet share my authentic Catholic values.

What suggestions do you have for evangelizing as Laity?

The wisdom of small spaces...

 ometimes, we need to be reminded of our blessings.  My husband and I moved into our starter house about 10 years ago.  It’s a pretty nice house, but not a lot of space, especially for storage, or a designated play area for our son.  I don’t think I became disenchanted by it until the pandemic when it always seems like everybody is in everybody else’s space.  I’m always telling my son to pick up toys or clear his latest project off the dinner table.  In a house of introverts, we don’t really each have our own space (or as in the case of my husband, his space for work is also the dog’s space, the space for camping gear and the coldest space in the house.  But at least it’s quiet.) Our extended family has also commented on our lack of space, but let’s just say our circumstances keep us in this space.  Most of the time, we are content with it.  But I think sometimes we forget that whatever space is a blessing if we are all together.

 

A few years ago my son commented that he wanted a bigger house.  I looked at him and said, “I’d love one too, but it costs more money.”  “Well then, get more money!” my son responded.  as if there’s an ATM that is endless.  The innocence of children…. “Well, if you want mommy to get more money, it means I’ll have to spend a lot more time working.  You will have to spend a lot more time at childcare than you already do.”  He quickly replied, “Mommy, this house is fine.”

 

My husband and I like traveling around and looking at mansions.  I never really dream of moving into a mansion (I can’t imagine cleaning one, and I don’t think I would be content with that much space).  But the other night, on a walk, I walked by some single family homes and realized something.  If we had a bigger house, we would each have our own space. 

 

I may not dream of a mansion.  But I do dream of a little den where I can retire in my favorite chair in silence and read and pray without hearing the TV or being disrupted. 

 

While initially the thought of each having our own space seemed like a dream, the flip side occurred to me.  If we eachl had our own space, being a house of introverts, I think we wouldn’t interact very much.  We wouldn’t have the same threesome we have.  While we drive each other nuts sometimes, there is joy. 

 

One time during the pandemic, I thought I lived in a musical, because my son and husband were randomly breaking into song all the time.  Sometimes, it was a bit much.  Trying to work and focus with virtual school in the background and the cat chasing the dog and everything going on at once would be a challenge for anyone.

 

We have a unity.  Everyone has different circumstances (I don’t begrudge anyone with a larger house).  But, I remembered how God provides us with the right blessings for our station in life.  If my son not having a designated play space makes me more likely to come over and play a game of chess with him,  or more likely to have him come over and see me reading and ask me to read to him, I’m happy to live in an open-floor plan, no private space house.  This is where God put us and I rejoice in his wisdom.

The value of curiosity....

 The old expression, "curiosity killed the cat" definitely has its place.  I see many of my patients who get in trouble from being overly curious.  There is obviously also a spiritual hazard in being the wrong kind of curious - gossip, judging others, etc..  Curiosity in some circumstances can be a gift.

I have benefited greatly from someone's curiosity.  Without trying to get too much into my history, (but enough so this will be understood) I was in very close proximity to a predator.  This predator who caused misery for many girls and young women definitely had evil at work in his life.  Though my interactions with this person were 20 years ago, I have been working on processing the feelings the past couple of years.  Dealing with fear, betrayal and also not quite remembering what happened during that time of my life (I was on medication that actually messed with memory back then), I turned to prayer.  I also felt confused and maybe a little bit of guilt, that these others experienced such horrible things and I was given the grace to keep my childhood innocence.

As time has gone on and I've processed more, I realized something.  The sports trainer who was attached to my team ALWAYS was at my appointments.  He was a fairly big guy who later on joined the military.  I reached out to him because I really felt I needed to say thank you.  I asked him if he remembered always being at my medical appointments and he said, "Yes, I always tried to, not because I suspected anything, which I feel awful I didn't and could have done something, but because I was curious and wanted to learn."

His innocent curiosity about medicine is most likely what saved me from horrible violations.  His presence  provided me protection I didn't even know I needed.  I am truly grateful.  I also have to think the Holy Spirit had something to do with his curiosity and his call to be present.

So remember, while curiosity can get you into trouble; it can keep others out of it.  If the Holy Spirit is prompting you to be curious, follow that prompt.  You may not ever know why, but curiosity and being present can be great gifts.

A Catholic Womans Guide To Relationships

I am putting together a care package for a friend and was torn on whether or not to send "A Catholic Woman's Guide To Relationships" that I had received.  Written by Rose Sweet, this compact book has just been a great companion, and I don't want to give it away!  

Most likely I will end up buying my own copy, because the virtue of charity and letting it be shared is greater than my possessiveness.  This book is easy to read, has great tips and is the nice size to fit into a purse.  I often took it with me to Mass to read prior to the service.  I used the humility prayer as a bookmark and those two forces together were helpful in my spiritual growth.

Rose Sweet writes with wisdom, humor and humility.  She uses personal stories to illustrate points.

There is a table of contents, but I would say the book is not a reference book, it's best to be read in order.  It is composed of 6 parts which are rather sequential.  Nevertheless, I could probably use another go around on the "listening" section.

Standing at the Door- entering the interior world, exploring the mystery and following the master

Listening- learning to listen, hearing with the heart, listening in silence

Leading- understanding your role, using your gifts, letting them fall

Loving- being a gift, adjusting your expectations, respecting their freedom

Letting Go- facing your fears, releasing control, learning to trust

Sitting at the Fire- releasing shame, seeking forgiveness, letting God lead

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to buying another copy to read again.

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