How's your prayer life?

That's the question I found myself being asked by an old friend and I realized after our conversation I never really answered it.  I answered her with all the things I'm doing at church and as a Lay Dominican and all the things I'm trying to stay on top of and struggling to do.  I still struggle with saying the Liturgy of the Hours 3 times a day and while I'm getting better at my daily Rosary, the angels often "finish" it.

I'm not sure whether I read or someone told me that it's never too late in the day to say the Rosary.  Our Lady (and Our Father) will take whatever you have when you have it.  Whether it's in the grocery line, while your waiting in traffic, or drifting off to sleep.  They'll take what you got.  Now of course, They'd love for you to do it with your complete devotion and attention on the Holy Mysteries (and you will get more out of it too) but they will take what you got.  I was told that if you try to say the Rosary and you're sleepy, you can just pray, "angels, if I can not stay awake, please finish my Rosary for me."  I'm not sure how kosher the theology of this is, but I like the idea that if my human weakness and sleepiness can't finish the job, I can call on some angelic help.

My ease of distraction either during Mass or during the Rosary is enough to get me discouraged.  I don't know if it's because I'm a multi-tasked juggling a lot or maybe I have a little ADD, I just have a hard time focusing.  Often during Mass, unless I'm wrangling my five year old (which happens frequently and is a semi-legitimate excuse for lack of attentiveness), it's the first time my mind starts to slow down, and so then many random thoughts come in- thinking about finances, my to-do list, all sorts of thoughts bouncing around.  I will often ask Our Lady to help me focus on the reason I'm there  and help take my distractions away.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers from getting distracted during prayer and Mass.

I believe the important thing though- whether you ask Our Lady or the angels to help that God knows if we are trying.  We are human.  He doesn't ask us to be perfect, he asks us to try and to trust in His grace.  I often think the most difficult mystery for me to contemplate is actually "The Agony in the Garden".  I think it really hits home for me.  I think of the disciples trying to stay awake with Jesus in The Garden of Gethsemane and I think of how my fortitude is probably even less then them.

I guess the answer to my friend's question is the following- it's a work in progress.  I take each day and moment at a time.  I work with a delightful person and I found out what one of her favorite things to say when she's getting frustrated with someone- "I'm going to talk to Jesus, because I can't handle talking to you right now."  It's fairly blunt but we actually all laughed when she said it (it was not directed at me.)  But it's really true.  What if we all remembered that you can talk to Jesus so easily, like you're going to talk to a friend or your Mom.  Form and matter are important, but sometimes you just need to open your heart and let whatever's in there come out.

Gwyneth Paltrow? No, I look up to Gianna Beretta Molla...

In a time where we all judge everybody (including ourselves), it's nice to take a step back and look at role models.  While I admit to enjoying People magazine and seeing the latest news with "Duchess Kate" while I am at doctors offices, I try not to spend money (or too much of my time) comparing and idolizing these beautiful and amazing people.  It doesn't really feel productive and often after I have a "guilty pleasure" of reading gossip pages, I realize it doesn't really make me feel better as a woman.

There is one modern amazing woman though who every time I read about her, I feel inspired and that becoming more like this woman is actually possible.  St. Gianna is her name.  I'll talk a little more about her later.

I'm sure that like many others share the viewpoint with me that while St. Mother Teresa and many other holy people are great to look up to, let's face it, when I'm being honest with myself, it's not going to happen.  However, I remind myself not to throw in the towel yet...

The time I used to have for spiritual reading, meditation and time of prayer;  yep, that too, has kind of gotten pushed aside to dealing with the laundry, playing ball at the park and reading to my son.

Even in St. Mother Teresa's own words, "if you want to save the world, love your children."  Let me tell you, as a mother of a toddler, that's a good phrase to be reminded of.  At this season in my life, it's just not possible to do the charitable work and everything else I did as a single woman (including mission trips to Mongolia and other spontaneous outings).  Just changing that poopy diaper, day after day, and wiping that snotty nose and struggling to get the toddler to nap, or waking up at 2 am to clean up vomit.  Yep, that's the more likely route I am going to be taking to holiness....  A wise Dominican priest was just sharing some thoughts yesterday that I thought were quite consoling for a mother of a young child.  His comments were that while there are spiritual giants in the world, look at Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She is obviously very loved by God and she did not have a "dramatic" spiritual life.  She wasn't spending time with the Angel Gabriel gossiping about the goings on in the celestial kingdom.  She wasn't spending time in ecstasy.  She was making dinner.  And there was a time when Jesus, even though he is the Son of God, he was after all, once a 3 year old.

So back to a role model in the modern world.  If someone told you about a working mom, juggling being a physician and a mother of 3 and a husband that travels all the time, you might think of your neighbor, or yourself.  Add on that she was an avid skier and had a propensity to speed?  I can definitely feel an affinity for her.    I'm not going to tell you the story of how Gianna Beretta Molla became a Saint, there are plenty of good resources that do that (I will include a list below).  Please learn more about her and be inspired by someone like you and me who is living the everyday life of a mother.   Hopefully she will become an inspiring, life-giving role model for you too!

I'll leave you with a quote from her, one I will try to meditate on as I do my next load of laundry...

"The secret of happiness is to live moment by moment and to thank God for all that He, in His goodness, sends to us day after day"

The Journey of Our Love: The Letters of Saint Gianna Beretta and Pietro Molla

Gianna: The Love Letters of a Saint

Love is A Choice: The Life of St. Gianna Molla (DVD which includes home-video from her wedding and video of her canonization, with her family present at the Vatican).