I really do hope to get back to regular posting...

Happy Feast of St. Nicholas! (or it was when I wrote this...)

I really do hope to get back to posting more regularly.  Between trying to be more intentional this Advent, the main water line rupturing below our house and my phone suddenly deciding not to work, I've been a little busy.

Strangely though, my family has been taking it pretty well.  It's frustrating when stuff like this happens, but it happens...  We were fortunate enough that we didn't end up needing to stay in a hotel (although I think my son was looking forward to it).  We were also fortunate that it doesn't look like anything in our house was damaged and as I told a friend, "at least it wasn't the septic pipe."

I had to let my son's teacher know what was going on because I wasn't going to be reachable by my phone or the app she normally uses and I was going to be working at multiple different clinics, so she needed to know my contact info was going to change.  I was able to borrow my husband's phone for a couple of days but it was all really rather confusing because this was also happening in the midst of the plumbing emergency.

I think my son's teacher was intrigued how I managed to kind of keep a smile and go with the "flow".  Haha.  My husband was even in pretty good spirits when I explained the plumbing "fix" to him using an analogy of a kidney transplant.  He then explained the mechanics of what was done and I said, "Oh, I totally understand, that's how we place a Central Line".  I think he has now been married to me long enough to not ask for specifics on how these things work, but to understand that I understand, and that's what matters.

Advent is a time of preparation, and I'm focusing on preparing our hearts and home for Christmas.  I'm also focusing on remembering that Christ doesn't ask for perfection.  I just recently read about St. Joseph and how he must have had feelings of inadequacy, preparing to welcome the Lord into a world where he didn't have much control.  He had to lead his pregnant spouse on a donkey and he couldn't even provide a room in an Inn for her, and the Son of God.  Yeah, that might make one feel like all the cards are stacked against you.  What did Joseph do though?  Did he whine to God and say, "yeah, you're kind of asking the impossible from me and I'm not up to the task?"  No.  From what we know, he trusted in the Lord, did the best he could and let his faith guide him.

Interesting Vignettes from the past week...

I've kind of fallen off the radar, during this busy season I've had so much to focus on...  Here are some interesting tidbits from the past week...

My mom and dad went to help out at my son's school.  Apparently everyone at school told them that they know me/who our family is.  One of the priests said, "Oh, I'm going to their house for dinner next week," which is true.  Our pastor said, "Oh, Meg, yeah she's here all the time helping at school and the church, I also think she's a vet on the side."  Kind of interesting that my profession is second place to the fact that I help a lot at church and school.

My husband and I talking about a particular workplace where I seem to be more in demand, "Well, after the magna carta of regulations was written up about expectations, I can see how some people could be personally offended."  My husband raises his eyebrow, "Yes," I look at him, knowing what he is thinking, "I get easily offended about personal stuff, but I'll have you know, professionally, I'm very even-keeled."  I had shared an example of this with him earlier in the week, so I think he believed me, but might wonder if he wants more of a professional relationship with me...

Later on, after I was annoyed with something, "Meg, I wish I could get inside that head of yours, sometimes I just can't understand you."  I looked at him and appreciated his compassion, "You know you don't want to get inside my head, you'd have a horrendous headache, there's way too much going on in there."  "True," he responded and left it at that.  I'm not sure if that's what they refer to when they say you should always be a little mysterious with your spouse.

Around the dinner table conversation:
Apparently the awards in our family for the following are:
"Daddy's the grumpiest and sings the worst."  My son is the funniest, I sing the best and am the best snuggler.  My husband then asked, "who yells the most,"   Daddy, my son said.  As a positive control to make sure these awards my son was giving out were fair- "Who's the crankiest in the morning?"  Mommy, my son replied.  "Mommy also snores the most," to which I replied, "have you ever wondered how I know when you are truly asleep at night?" No, my son said, "because of your snore,” I replied.  He couldn't believe me and I don't quite have the heart to record him.

Finally...

I think I finally have synchronized my computer and my phone so that everything is getting the same e-mail.  For a couple of months now, I'm not sure how it happened, they got out of sync.  Since it involves setting new passwords, and that is difficult to do when not at home, it's kind of fallen to the bottom of my to-do list.  My to-do list has kind of not been my top priority lately.  Between fighting off colds, travel and just trying to keep up with things (I've had some schedule changes, changed work opportunities, stuff come up at my kid's school and unexpected things like needing 4 new tires), I haven't gotten around to this task.  Slowly, my unread e-mails have been approaching 60,000 on my computer and 5,000 on my phone.  I've gotten off most e-mail lists but there's still school stuff that I get, things from friends and family, things I need to read/do for work and just lots of stuff I eventually need to get to.  It doesn't help that I somehow got elected to leadership of multiple volunteer opportunities (not by choice) and I have to try to keep those things going too.

I don't like deleting e-mails I haven't read and I like trying to catch up on stuff from friends and family, but it can just get overwhelming.  Hopefully I'm on track to being able to process through stuff.  I think the clutter on my computer is worse than the clutter in my house and it all just makes my brain cluttered and difficult to function.

It probably doesn't help that I pretty much don't have much time to devote to technology.  Both my husband and I are trying to stay off our phones more.  There was a time this summer where my son was so excited about getting his new school clothes and my husband missed it (although he got strongly chided by me) and I've had those same moments where he has to tell me to put it down and live life and make memories.

I think we all feel pressure to stay up on stuff.  Whether it's news, work or social media, others have expectations that we will read and respond to their e-mails and texts.  I do have to work and I do have to supervise my kid and so that means I can't instantly respond and/or be on my phone at all times.  Quite frankly, after my kid is in bed, I just want to calm down and relax and I know screen time isn't healthy for sleep.  I also don't want to wake up early just to go through e-mail.  There is definitely overwhelm when there's so much stuff going on.  The one time I got on Facebook this month, a friend had posted some politically divisive stuff and I was almost worried for the friendship.  I stopped and called my friend.  I called three different times (I was a little worried I was being ghosted) and then we had an actual conversation and all was well.  Social media and technology I fear is not healthy for our relationships.  We keep upping our need for instant gratification.  I'm finding it more and more stressful to try to reply, respond and "like" things and still live my life.  I think as Advent comes, I may just put my phone (and my hubby's, if he is willing) in a box when we are at home.  I will probably have to learn my home phone number and give it to family and friends in case there's an emergency, but I think a little bit of fasting from technology might be good at bringing a little sense of peace and time for quiet in preparation for this Christmas season.

My son's principal today was actually discussing when good things become bad.  I believe this was because a recent round of parent-teacher conferences revealed a bad relationship with video games, but I digress.  She asked the students who had phones.  It seemed like the kids above 4th grade had phones.  She then asked the kids if anyone in their homes was a little too attached to their phones and spent a little too much time on their phones.  There were quite a number of hands raised.  I had difficulty seeing if my kid raised his hand, but I do know that my kid has asked both my husband and me to put down the phone before.  Oftentimes, it was when we were working and actually had to be on it, but how many times does he not say it when we are checking scores, e-mails or other things that can be done when we aren't taking away from family time?  I think that is a question we all have to ask.  I do know, the next time the principal asks that question, I don't want my son's hand to be raised.

Book Review: Cloud of Witnesses: A Child's First Book Of Saints

I had the pleasure to receive "Cloud of Witnesses: A Child's First Book of Saints" as a surprise in the mail.  It was perfect timing, as my son is just beginning to learn about the Saints in his kindergarten class.

It is a board book.  So it's very durable, but I was pleasantly surprised to find the material to be richer than what I would expect from a typical board book.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since the Saints do demonstrate the richness of the Church!

My mom commented that some of the quotes from the Saints are pretty advanced.  Some are more simple prayers and acclamations from the Saints and some have more material in them.  "Pray, hope, and don't worry" by Saint Pio is fairly understandable, but I don't know if it's even possible to bring a quote by St. Augustine to a 3 year old's level.  I think this is actually a good feature of the book because all age levels can enjoy the book (and the younger sibling can't easily destroy it).  I also think that many children's books underestimate the intellectual capacity of kids.  My 5 year old enjoys listening to some books that are at the middle school and high school level and as far as I know, he's not a child prodigy.  

Cloud of Witnesses: A Child's First Book of Saints is a great way to introduce young kids to Saints and to have as a spiritual resource for them even as they grow older.  My son, the five year old has requested me to read it over and over. It is mom and 5 year old- approved!



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Catholic School

My husband and I are very grateful that our son is able to go to Catholic School.  It's a small school, where there is only one class for each grade and everybody kind of knows everybody.  So far, there have only been benefits to that.  I'm sure at some point in the next couple of years we might see a disadvantage to the "small town" effect, but overall I feel that most parents and staff are so busy that no one is really a busybody.  At least so far I haven't seen gossiping and I think the no-gossip culture is because there's a no-gossip principal.

There are tons of reasons I love my son's school, but one of them I witnessed the other day in two

kids at lunch who were having a disagreement.  One of them came to me to tattle on the other.  The two girls were telling each other they weren't friends anymore.  It was a classic she-said, she-said.  I had flashbacks to mean girls in my youth.  As the conversation became whining nonsense, I said, "Wait!".  They stopped talking.  I said, "How about you pray a Hail Mary for her to have more patience," and turning to the other girl, "you pray for her to have more patience."  I went on to the next distraction in the lunchroom and turned back watching the girls finish their prayers with the Sign of the Cross.  I also witnessed them back to playing with each other on the playground.  I was shocked on a couple of different levels.  They actually listened to me and they actually did what I asked and it seemed to work!  I thought to myself, "wow!  that's a tool in the toolbox I wouldn't have been able to use in public school for sure!"

My husband and I also really like how every day starts with prayer in the Church.  The whole school gathers together and says morning prayers and prays for everybody.  They also have a time of quiet before their busy day starts.  The principal also engages them in a lesson and they might practice singing.  We think it's a great way for them to start the day.

There is one downside to this way of starting school though...Everybody in the whole school is together so if you are tardy.... Well...  I call it the "Walk of Shame".  Fortunately my kid doesn't seem too ashamed, but it's certainly embarrassing for me when it is obvious that I brought my kid to school late.  The Kindergarten sits in the very front, so everybody, from all the kids and staff and teachers to the principal can see who came in late.

The other day, my son was having a meltdown during this time and several people, even days later said, "We saw him crying the other day, he was so sad."  The science teacher and both of his teachers came out to the back of the church to try to make him feel better.  My kid wasn't embarrassed by his meltdown, but I was.  Oh.. the shame.  Thankfully, one of the other parents related a story to me that made me feel I was not alone.

The next day (I'm not sure if there's a connection) the principal came up to me and said, "We are so glad you are here, your family has been a wonderful addition."  My husband asked me why she would say that.  I told him, "Maybe because I spend half my life around the school volunteering and stuff?  I don't know, but it was nice she said that."  Maybe the next time my son has to do "The Walk of Shame"  I won't be so ashamed, maybe I will remember that all of us parents are just trying to get to school and work on time and some days... Well, some days are just some days.

Sensitivity and Specificity

This is a topic that I think doctors- both of the human and animal professions do not explain very well.  Another thing we don't explain very well is about testing, and the consequences of testing.

A highly sensitive test means it will "catch" all of the positives for a disease and a few (or even quite a few) false positives.  A highly specific test means if it says it's positive, it's positive, but it might come out as negative when it's really positive (or a false negative, if that's not confusing).

If you come up positive on a sensitive test, you might find yourself quite scared for a bit and then find out your diagnosis was incorrect.  You might even get put on medication that isn't necessary or even worse, could hurt you.  That's why most of the time if we perform a sensitive test, we try to follow it up with a specific test for confirmation.

There has been talk about breast cancer screening, prostate screening and colonoscopy screening and that some organizations are actually advocating reducing screening and increasing the time between screenings.  While it's easy to think this is due to a embattled health care system and cost issues, there are actually some legitimate reasons to think that maybe we screen too much.

First of all, is the issue is that not all screening tests are without risk.  I actually knew someone who went in for a colonoscopy screening, and due to a medical error walked out with a colostomy bag for the rest of their life.  That's obviously a extreme circumstance, and I still plan to get colonoscopies as I get older, especially if I ever develop clinical symptoms.  I don't mean to talk anyone out of screenings.  They can save people.  I'm just trying to discuss that everything should have a cost-risk analysis that should be discussed with your doctor.

Breast cancer screenings have radiation.  They are highly recommended for people with a family history of breast cancer.  They also can expose people to extra radiation, which can cause cancer. It seems kind of like a catch-22.  In looking for cancer, you can increase your risk of cancer.  Again, this is an individual's responsibility to talk with their doctor.  In my case, I had a aunt who died of breast cancer.  I spoke with my doctor about mammograms and she went over the thinking that yes, we still do them, but not as early on in a woman's life and not as frequently unless there is a clearer genetic risk.

Sometimes the treatment for things is worse than the disease. I sometimes find myself looking at blood work on a pet and feeling stuck between a rock and a hard spot.  I'm a doctor.  I'm supposed to treat disease, but in a pet that is feeling great and the only problem is their lab work isn't normal, I have to have a careful conversation with the owner.  A disease, such as Cushing's Disease, or hyperadrenocorticism can cause problems like increased thirst and urination, obesity and higher risk of infection.  It can be worthwhile to treat if the pet is experiencing medical problems from it.  However, if the pet is just a little overweight and otherwise happy, I'm less inclined to put them on medication that is actually meant to kill their adrenal glands and may send them into a life-threatening crisis.

There are many diseases where the treatment and side-effects can be worse than the disease.

I recently had personal experience with a doctor wanting to do numerous tests on me.  I went in for one concern and the doctor wanted to test over $5,000 in testing that with my medical knowledge was not related to my concern.  I tried to ask for the reason for some of the testing.  I don't have a problem paying for something that is beneficial, but from personal experience, I do have a problem with unnecessary testing.  If you are on a fishing expedition, you are bound to catch something.  It could also be completely unrelated to whatever you were looking into.  It could (and it has) in my case sent me down rabbit holes of unnecessary diagnosis, treatment and consequences.  As I say often to my patients, "There is some truth in- if it aint broke, don't fix it."

Astonishingly, when I asked the reasoning for the tests, the answer I got was, "Because the doctor said so."  I guarantee you if I ever used that as a reason for doing anything to my patients, that would not go over well.  After 2 weeks and about 5 phone calls,
I was able to get in contact with someone who had a little bit more knowledge.  We discussed that my medical issue they wanted to investigate was well managed and of little concern to me at this time.  Furthermore, I informed them that my husband and I were trying to get pregnant and I knew that the medical treatment they were interested in putting me on would be contraindicated.  It was a nice, civil conversation in which I basically said, "Please investigate the issue I came in for and maybe I will look into those other things later, but not at this time."

I share this information not because I enjoy putting my personal experience out there, but I realize that I'm blessed to have the medical knowledge and experience to understand these situations and articulate them with the medical profession.  I share this information to empower others.  I'm not discouraging people from doing diagnostic testing and I recommend tests far more often than I discourage them in my profession.  I do believe though, that one of the keys to improving our healthcare situation- the cost of healthcare, the care that we get; is to empower people to have conversations with their doctors.  It is your right to understand what is being done, what the consequences are and if the treatment is worse than the disease.  Empowerment to understand and own your healthcare is a key to better healthcare.


This post is NOT designed to give medical advice.  I am not a licensed human medical professional and am not qualified to give people medical advice.  Every reader should consult with their doctor regarding the best decision for them.  This post is just advocating that you HAVE a conversation with your doctor regarding the best decision for you, as an individual.

Are we called to be "spicy"?

I used a term the other day to describe a patient of mine, "spicy".  I obviously was not using it in the version of taste, but of temperament.  The kitty did not like us.  It had sass.  He was "spicy."  I thought it was a more agreeable term than, "cranky, nasty" or other terms.  It wasn't derogatory.  It was acknowledging the innate nature of the being.  All of us respect peppers, right?  We know not to cut them and then rub our hands in our eyes.  We know if we are unfamiliar with the pepper we take a tiny bite until we know how much to respect it's power.  A tiny bit of pepper can add a blast of flavor to a recipe.  A pepper is not innately bad, it just needs to be respected for it's potency.  I liken cats who are "opinionated" to that.

My techs liked this term to describe a cat.  They created a scale of "spiciness".  They said I was "chipotle" because I had just stood up to a client who tried to attack me for the fact her pet had an illness another vet in the practice had been unable to diagnose.  I calmly and respectfully explained that there are not always easy tests, sometimes we had to investigate further and it required multiple tests.  Sometimes problems aren't easy and don't have easy fixes.  She was looking for sympathy and I gave it to her.  I also didn't give in to her.  There's a difference.  Earlier on in my career, I would have given her a ton of sympathy and I would have been made meek.  According to my tech, there was no meekness in that room.  There was controlled spice.

In life, we are called to be merciful and just.  Sometimes it's easy to fall into one or another camp.  Everyone gets mercy, it's all good, it's all ok or rigid justice.  It's sometimes hard to separate the two and it's often on emotional issues.  Just look at current events.  I need not say more.

We are called to be a people who seeks justice.  There is such a thing as righteous anger.  There are things so horrific that they need to be called out and there needs to be consequences.  At the same time, there needs to be mercy.

Parenting also calls for mercy and justice.  It's a hard tightrope to walk sometimes.  When my kid does something bad, I know there needs to be justice, but I so want to give him mercy.  When my patients get "spicy"  I can give them a calming pill.  There's not something nor should there be something like that for my 5 year old.

Justice is difficult with parenting.  While you don't want to make rash, emotional judgments, you know that whatever the bad act was needs to be responded to immediately or else the kid won't understand cause and effect, won't understand that there is a consequence for the action.  I find mercy, easier to give as a parent.  I want my kid to do right, to heal and to know he's at heart a good kid.  If the left hand is justice and the right hand is mercy, they need to work together.  Like a jalpaeno and cream cheese.  My son actually likes slightly spicy food and I do as well.  We are not called to be a "bland" people.  We are also not called to burn the tongues of others.  Do you have any recommendations on balancing mercy and justice in family life?

Who knew I could discuss spiciness, difficult cats, parenting and mercy and justice all in one blog post?  Hopefully it's not too disjointed, but I think often we can find crossover between God's natural world and human nature.

What I'm Reading Now

I read a fairly eclectic mix of books.  Fiction, non-fiction, spiritual.  I'm in the middle of several right now.  Whenever I see an interesting book referred to, I add it to my library "Wish List".  I think I'm near 1,000 on my wish list.  Not sure I'll ever be able to read them all, but keeping these books in this place has brought some new books into my life that I would've never read otherwise.

If my library doesn't have a book, I will often "request" or recommend it for purchase.  They are a pretty big library system and not all of my requests get purchased, but a fair amount do.  A while back I requested a book, Chesapeake Requiem: A Year with the Watermen of Vanishing Tangier Island.  I was excited when my library purchased it and I discovered three other people had requested it too.  I was on the waitlist and then I got the book and started reading, along with the 5 other books I'm currently in the middle of.

Then the news of Hurricane Florence came and there was an article in a major newspaper interviewing the author of Chesapeake Requiem.  My copy that I had checked out was about ready to expire (the library gives me 21 days to read a book and it normally takes SEVERAL cycles for me to make it through a book).  I thought, "no problem, I'll put it on hold again."  Apparently I wasn't the only person who had read the newspaper article.  The book that I had started reading and was getting into now had 150 people ahead of me on the waiting list.  I told my husband of my angst.  "By the time I get the book back, I will have totally forgotten what I read!"

I worked diligently to read it at every chance I got and as it was really rather engaging and interesting, I made it through.  It's a non-fiction book about a rather liberal journalist who lives on a VERY conservative, dry island where pretty much everyone can trace their family back to a guy who lived there pre-revolution.  With facts about crabbing, boating and small-town life and politics mixed in with the global warming debate (it's not a debate for the journalist, but he is respectful of the islanders having a different view) and personal stories, it was a very engaging read.  I think one thing I enjoyed about it was the fact the journalist and islanders did co-exist and become friends, a nice reminder in this divisive time that there is co-existence possible with polar opposite views.

I've also been getting into some "mystery" and "spy" historical fiction books.  The World War II time period has always fascinated my sister and me and I've been enjoying the Maggie Hope Mysteries.  I don't have a whole lot of time for reading, but I try to squeeze a few minutes here and there, whether I'm in the carpool line or waking up a little earlier in the morning or staying up a little bit late, I get to step outside of my life for just a little bit (and sometimes realize just how blessed I am).  I have way more books on my wish list than I probably will ever be able to get through but I definitely have some good reading to look forward to.





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Don't Discourage the Growl

I was doing an exam on a dog today and it was a little nervous.  It had been a street dog for a little bit and so it had some anxiety about being in a vet's office.  It probably didn't help that I had stress pheromones all over because I had just rushed to pick up my son from the school nurse's office for a cough that may have been more homesickness than bad illness, but I digress.

The owner scolded the dog for growling.  I sat back, moved slow and said, "Please don't discourage him from growling."  She looked a little shocked.  She was a nice person who just wanted her dog to behave nicely.  I told her, "It's perfectly acceptable he's growling, he's obviously a little anxious and I don't blame him.  He's just letting me know he's not loving it here."  She looked puzzled.

"What he's doing is kind of giving me the doggy middle finger.  I'm fine with that.  I'll take the middle finger any day over a bite."  The owner nodded, yep, that made sense.  I told her, "it's kind of like when you tell a child, 'use your words'.  A growl is him just using his words.  If you take that away, he may just suddenly bite because you've taken away his ability to communicate."

We then went on to discuss that sometimes, especially with children, a growl is very effective to get them to stop doing something that the dog doesn't like or is uncomfortable.

I recalled a story from several years ago where I was in an exam room with a woman and her child.  The woman asked me for a medication or a means to get the dog to stop growling.  In the few minutes I was in the exam room, I noticed the child maltreating the dog, being obnoxious, pulling it's tail and climbing all over it and the dog was clearly distressed.

I don't remember exactly how I phrased it, I believe it was blunt, but diplomatic (she took it well), "Excuse me ma'am, the dog is not the one with the problem, it's your child.  If your child did what she is doing to most dogs, they'd bite.  They wouldn't tolerate that.  You are lucky your dog is only growling."  The woman realized that she was lucky and that the child should respect the dog and the dog's space.  I also gave her info to a website I like; Liam J Perk Foundation which talks about dogs, children and stress.  Oftentimes, I see "cute" pictures on Facebook that to a trained eye looks like the dog is really stressed and is trying to override it's desire to fight or flight.  Most dogs are way more patient and forgiving of personal space issues than people.

My tech told me after the visit, "You're not the only vet I've heard who has said, "Give me a middle finger over a dog bite any day!"  She then told me I should cross-stitch it on a pillow.  Instead, I'll just share this on the blog...

As the entire East Coast waits...

My family and I don't live on the coast, but we live near enough the coast that we do get hurricanes, or at least their leftovers.  My husband proposed to me on a weekend after the remnants of a hurricane had blown through and there was actually enough wind to fly a kite.  We've seen some serious damage and the town that we got married in actually has high water marks from each hurricane that rolls through.  There's an anticipation, a level of excitement and a level of fear.

In a location where people crowd the grocery stores if we are just going to get an inch of snow, I'm sure there will be a lot of people grocery shopping at the last minute.  My husband and I are trying to plan ahead.  We were supposed to go camping this weekend.  My son was sad when we told him it wasn't going to happen.  Don't want to be caught in the mountains in torrential rain, or even worse, in a valley with flooding.

As I saw my son's sadness coming on I said, "How about we camp in the basement?"  He thought this was a great idea and is looking forward to it.  Hopefully he won't end up liking camping in the basement more than the real outdoors!

We've already had so much rain in our area that everything is getting flooded even before Florence comes through.  My neighbor found some baby rabbits that had gotten flooded out of their burrow.  I helped her keep them warm and found a wildlife rehabilitation facility to take them to so they might have a chance.

With baby rabbits, it's often best to leave them alone.  That is what I told my neighbor to do the first night.  If they smell like humans; the mother will abandon them.  The mothers don't stay with their young and only nurse them for about 5 minutes a day.  My neighbor and I were confused that the mother rabbit would make her burrow in a yard where a dog rambles about 3 times a day.  Furthermore, it was a location that floods easily.  She remarked about Darwin, "survival of the fittest".  I remarked that there's a reason rabbits breed like rabbits.  We weren't really laughing.  We were sad, but gallows humor sometimes suffices when there's not much to do.

The rehab people (these are the people who all they do is rehab wildlife) said they've been getting a lot of baby bunnies.  The outlook is not good, but it's worth a try.  When things get dire, the best you can do is wait, pray and remember, it will all eventually work out as part of God's plan.  Perhaps with some pain, suffering and unexplainable stuff, but as with everything, good can come, even in the face of destruction.

Keep your eyes out...

Look out tomorrow, Thursday September 6th for my catholicmom.com post regarding talking to my son about the current crisis in the church.  Obviously these discussions need to be age-appropriate but I would love for people to comment or give tips on how they talk about difficult situations with their kids.

Also, check out some of the other catholicmom.com posts, they have some very talented contributing writers!

Mass

My son has historically been a pretty good boy at Mass, especially for a kid who quite often doesn't have the attention span to sit down and watch a TV show or movie.  He's great at focusing on books and sports, but other things, well, it's not surprising that he didn't fall far from the tree with a mommy who has to be in motion to stay concentrated...

Over this summer we have had more struggles with him behaving at Mass.  Whether it's him trying to exert control, just all the changes in routines, or what, I don't know.  At some points with what he says, I'm worried he's a budding Atheist.  But then I remind myself he's just 5 and he'll use any excuse he can come up with to get his way.

My husband and I tried to do everything we could think of to get him to behave.  Sitting up front was helpful for a while, but then he just started misbehaving sitting up front, which isn't helpful for ANYONE at Mass.  Then if he misbehaved we told him we had to sit in back.  That doesn't help either.  We know changing his schedule, like going to a later Mass or a Saturday night Mass normally didn't go well.  We gave him mercy in those situations because we knew that being tired/hungry or just off schedule isn't his fault.

Some books sometimes helped, like the book I previously reviewed here :



Some books we've gotten, such as Bibles and Mass guides used to be helpful, but have become more of a hindrance now that he wants us to read them to him during Mass.

It's sometimes hard when adults talk during Mass and my son witnesses this.  I actually once spoke to an adult about this and she was receptive, understanding it's hard to teach a kid that there are rules when other people violate them.  It's hard for me to pay attention during Mass, sometimes I have to close my eyes to focus and sometimes simple things like holding hands during the Our Father or other things distract me from prayer.  My husband and I certainly don't expect perfection from our son.  We are content if he quietly colors, sits in our lap or looks through books.

As I found Mass becoming more and more a source of tension in our family and my husband and I were both getting tired of lecturing him on Mass behavior, I took a new angle.  We got into car after Mass and my son was waiting for the lecture.  Instead, this is what I said:

"So- how would you feel if the next gift you got, I threw it away or tore it apart or broke it?"  This caught my son off-guard.  "That would be mean".  "Yep, it would be mean."

"Did you know that when you misbehave and make noise and are disruptive, that's what you are doing to us?"  He looked puzzled.  "Misbehaving in Mass isn't like when you misbehave in the grocery store.  Going to Mass isn't just something on Mommy and Daddy's to do list."  He took this in.  "It's Jesus' gift to us."  My husband went on and we discussed how being loud and disruptive takes away from everyone's gift.

Hopefully, one day he will realize what a gift Mass is for him, as well.





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Beans, beans and more beans...

Most people spend back-to-school time ordering supplies, adjusting their routine and stocking up.  Fortunately, my son's school does not require us to buy supplies, I purchased his uniforms months ago when they were on sale and his backpack and lunch bag from last year so I thought we were in pretty good shape.

I've been spending back-to-school time doing veterinary stuff with the pets.  Specifically, the cat.  Duchess.  Not only is she royalty in name but also demeanor.  She does not like veterinary clinic settings.  I'm not sure if it was last year or the year before, but we went through a brief scare that she had diabetes.   This shocked me because she is a 6 pound, mildly underweight cat who eats canned food.  Canned food is kind of like the "Atkins diet" and so canned food can actually be therapeutic for diabetics.  Well, it ended up working out that she had a high blood sugar and sugar in her urine just because she get's that stressed when she goes to a clinic.  This year, she was doing better so I was quite unnerved when I took her to the cardiologist and he told me she had such high blood pressure she could lose her eyesight and have a stroke.  Follow-up has concluded that she was actually just really stressed.

The dog has his routine follow-up stuff but nothing too exciting there yet (at least for now).

Now my two-legged kid.  He has food allergies and is a finicky eater.  That just makes life pretty fun. He's very excited about eating hot lunch at school.  We had it all worked out and then it occurred to me that the fact that we hadn't given him beans could be a problem.  I know this paragraph is weird, but bare with me.

My son is allergic to cashews, green peas and for a brief time beans.  His allergist thinks he has grown out of these allergies or if not, is close to.  He directed us to get him to eat beans to confirm he didn't have a reaction.  I've been casually trying him to eat beans all summer to no avail.  As the start of school approached, I told my husband we were going to have to take him to his favorite taco place because those are the only beans he said he would eat.  He ate them.  Success.  I called his doctor and reported that.  The staff member told me, "Now what about white beans and kidney beans?".  "What?"  The staff member actually said, "Wow- I heard you deflate over the phone!"  I tried to tell her it took a whole summer to get the kid to eat black beans, and school started in less than 2 weeks.  I was pretty sure the school nurse wasn't going to let him get school lunch unless we had an official letter.

We had just paid over $250 for lunches and my son was actually excited about school lunch.  Last year it was a success if he drank his milk and ate chips.  What is a mother to do?  I'm not one to accept defeat (even my son has noticed this- "Mommy, why do you always win?").  I communicated with my husband that when he got home, I was headed to the grocery store.  I went to the fancy "weird food" grocery store that I knew would have beans "mixed" into things and I looked up recipes on Pinterest.  Unfortunately, I didn't see any "bean baby food" to mix into things.  But I got bean tortilla chips, bean nacho cheese chips (my son immediately figured out they weren't Doritos).  I got a bean burger.  I made chocolate kidney bean brownies (they weren't bad).  I made oatmeal cookies with butter beans and great northern beans.  (Fortunately, my kid eats hummus so garbanzo beans have always been good).  He may have only taken a few bites of each of my concoctions, but that was all he needed to do.

I stayed up late, cooking and cleaning thinking, "What I wouldn't give to have to go shopping for school supplies rather than to get creative with beans."  Oh well- if you haven't figured it out by now, this blog is called All Creatures Great And Crazy for a reason....

Book Review: I Went to Mass- What did I see?

I was recently sent a book to review that quite frankly, couldn't have come at a better time:  I Went to Mass- What did I see? by Katie Warner and illustrated by Meg Whalen.

There will be a later blogpost about why it couldn't have come at a better time.  For right now, I'd like to focus on sharing about the book.  It's a solid hardcover book and is written simply and  has elegant, relevant pictures.  It's not too advanced in vocabulary, so I think it's good for the pre-school to kindergarten age group.  I like that it does not use too many words, but one can see through the pictures what is being communicated.  Such as, " I went to Mass.  What did I see?" and then the next sentence simply explains the Mass as if on a timeline for little ones.

It has rhythm and rhyme and was written with the obvious intent to share the joy of Mass with the young.  I think this book will be a great "beginner" book to introduce little ones to Mass that does not distract the adults, but allows them to share the beauty of the Mass in simple terms with the young ones in their family.

It was a pleasure to receive this book and my son enjoys taking it with him to Mass.



 





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Whirlwind of a trip

So much for summer vacation at home!  We had many summer plans for things to do around the house and in our area, but we just have too many family and friends and things to keep up with.  The past 3 weekends in a row we had been traveling and our last trip was actually just our 5 year old and me.  I'm not sure how much peace my husband really got to enjoy (as he couldn't go on our trip because of work) but I'm pretty sure our cat at least enjoyed having him to herself.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just moving too fast and that I should step back and slow-down.  With some things, I think that's the case.  But let's face it.  No matter how much time I have, I will have a to-do list.  There will be work to do.  Housework, home improvement, veterinary work.  There's always something.  So while spending a lot of my time traveling may seem a little foolish, I really don't think it is.  Let me explain:

When we are traveling- my son pretty much gets my un-devoted attention = win for him.  He gets so much attention that I think he (and I) actually get sick of it, so when we get home, he likes to go off and do his own thing and I get to catch up with stuff.  This is a minor thing, but if I just stay at home working, housework and all the other things I feel I need to catch up on, I'm not necessarily as intentional with my time with him.  He's not going to have fond memories of mommy doing housework.  He is going to have memories of all the things I take time to do with him like the library, the pool and travel.

While travel can be stressful and physically draining, it can also be rewarding.  My son and I spent our trip together with each of our three stops being restorative.

We had some great visits to friends.  Even though I have a ton of things I should catch up on/be doing at home and there’s always work to do, I think it was definitely worthwhile to take the trip and time away.  At each of our three stops, my son and I met with family and friends who were refreshing and supportive.  They were like mini-retreats of encouragement.  Listening ears and supportive spirits, it was much like a retreat and my son had a great time too.  He got to meet and renew friendships with people, go to a horse race for the first time (He didn’t want to leave after 4 hours), sleep with the sound of a waterfall in the background (due to our rustic surroundings) and experience rural Vermont life, including bringing home the chickens at night!

It had it's moments too- like the time I couldn't find a rest stop in two states!  Really?  I won't go into details.  My son had a lot of energy and a lot of time in the car can be hard.  So, whether it was going on a hike, or swimming in the pool, I tried to get some energy out of him before we got stuck in the car.  There wasn't too much junk food as we are pretty good at eating healthy- and so were the family and friends we were visiting.  My son did find his favorite new hot dog joint which just happens to be 75 years old.

I feel kind of guilty I've let my blog slack this summer.  I've been busy and tired and have a lot of things that I need to catch up on.  But then I realized writing isn't like another thing on my to-do list.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me.  Whether it was as a confused teenager moving to a different school and quite frankly different culture, or a young adult struggling with a health crisis, writing has always helped me process things.  It has often entertained or enriched my family and friends.  I definitely don't have the grammar and English skills that a great writer should have (somehow with the moves between schools and the fact that my creative writing skills always let me slide through English class, I lost some skills along the way).  I do have the heart of a writer though.  I do feel this is somehow something that I'm supposed to be doing.  So while all the things on my to-do list will always be there.  I need to remember that just like our vacation, sometimes the effort that it takes to do something is really worth it because it refreshes and restores.

Technical difficulties...

Unfortunately I’ve been having some technical difficulties, but watch out as I have a couple of blogposts in the works....  now if I can just get my computer to cooperate...

Something to make life easier...

I just got off the phone talking with my mom about the joys of dogs with "dietary indiscretion".  I sometimes forget that the illnesses that I see, day in, day out (and especially around the holidays) are not bread and butter issues to everyone else.  Yes, these things are gross to pick-up and are never a great way to end your day.  Fortunately most of the time these issues follow under the "this too will pass"  outcome.  Most of the time it's a dog who ate something they shouldn't, such as cat food, human food or who knows what else.  Most of the time we never know.

I think my husband thought I was kind of crazy when we registered for a Bissell SpotBot for our wedding registry.  It was only a couple months after we were married that he knew I was genius.  I mean, yes, I'm a vet and I deal with gross stuff all the time.  But who really wants to scrub carpet for all manner of things?  Definitely not my hubby.

I've actually mentioned this product to a couple of clients (and no, I don't have a contract with Bissell) because I think it's a great stress reliever to have something that just does the work for you.  Whether it's a kid accident or something else you just plop this on top, fill up the clean tank and empty the dirty tank when you're done.  Yep.  Not much is easy. So between my favorite probiotic for my pet and the spotbot, things don't faze us quite as much.  At one point, one of the tubes broke and while we had it at a repair shop to be fixed, my hubby and I wondered whether we still needed it.  Yep.  One of our children, I don't even remember if it was human, feline or canine proved that it's still a great way to make life easier.  I almost bought one for my sister before she got her new dog (but she said her house didn't have much carpet, so we didn't bother) but I recommend this for anyone who wants to not have to scrub carpet.  Now if I could just find an easy way to deal with crumbs in my kids car seat...
  





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6 Nights Home in 20 Days

My family and I have been doing a whirlwind of traveling.  Unfortunately having several 10 hour trips in the car.  We have done 4 10+ hour trips since Memorial Day and my son, the dog and I have one more to go.  I think my husband and cat are relieved to hold the fort down (oh and the fish too!)

My son is a pretty good trooper, but I think he's getting hooked on Amazon Prime video.  My husband and I tried to keep him away from videos and devices at least until he was two and now it's pretty much free reign during a long road trip- for everyone's sanity.

So, as you can tell, I've gotten behind on a lot of stuff, my blog for one and pretty much everything else.  I am glad that I had the foresight to wash our sheets right before we left so at least I've got a clean fresh bed to come home to after an 8 hour drive turned 12 hour.  Unfortunately a fatal crash down the line from us shut down the interstate and ended up adding 4 hours to our trip, which is rather hard to explain to a five year old that the "fast lane" became a parking lot.

We tried to keep our patience and model to him that our loss of 4 hours of our time was nothing compared to the loss that someone now had to deal with in their family.  "We may be later getting home, but someone is finding out that their family member is going home to Jesus and not coming back, so we can remember to be grateful even in our impatience."

Sometimes it's hard to know what part of these little messages we share with him get processed, but we believe they are seeds we are planting.  Seeds of compassion, seeds of patience and gratefulness.  Oftentimes, these seeds and plants need to be nurtured in our own hearts.  Perspective.  It's something that we need to work on at every stage in our life.

So as we go through this whirlwind of travel, and all the hardships, annoyances and work that ensues, we will remember to be grateful for this time with family and friends and the memories.

Summer....

My son and I had a great day at the pool yesterday with friends.  It wasn't a sunny day and it was a little cooler than the typical 80-90 degree weather we have been having, but it was a lot of fun.  All together it was 6 kids who move around so much that they never really figured out they were truly cold.

As I talked with the other moms, we all lamented that although the kids are excited for school, we are not exactly.  All the things we planned to do during the summer haven't really gotten done.  I just started trying to clean out the garage yesterday and have hit a bit of a roadblock because my husband really needs to be involved (otherwise he knows I would just throw out and give away a bunch of stuff, such as the lifetime's worth of car washing sprays and polishes).  My husband pointed out that we shouldn't have so much if we were actually using it.  I pointed out that means you actually need to use it.  Otherwise it's just taking up space.

Maybe he can teach my son how to wash the car this summer.  I taught my son, and he was excited, "how to clean a bathroom".  I was maybe a little excited that he was interested in doing this but I think it's going to be a couple of years before I'm done with the "cleaning it up for real" duty.

Whether it's my sons homework, the garage or the various other projects I had intended for this summer, I have to remind myself that it's always easy to think of things you want to do with your summer, and if I was so focused on my to do list, we wouldn't have been able to travel or take advantage of a myriad of other opportunities and adventures to come our way.  Hopefully I can get a couple things crossed off my to-do list, but the most important one- "building memories with my child" has happened, so I'll be kind to myself on the others.

How's your prayer life?

That's the question I found myself being asked by an old friend and I realized after our conversation I never really answered it.  I answered her with all the things I'm doing at church and as a Lay Dominican and all the things I'm trying to stay on top of and struggling to do.  I still struggle with saying the Liturgy of the Hours 3 times a day and while I'm getting better at my daily Rosary, the angels often "finish" it.

I'm not sure whether I read or someone told me that it's never too late in the day to say the Rosary.  Our Lady (and Our Father) will take whatever you have when you have it.  Whether it's in the grocery line, while your waiting in traffic, or drifting off to sleep.  They'll take what you got.  Now of course, They'd love for you to do it with your complete devotion and attention on the Holy Mysteries (and you will get more out of it too) but they will take what you got.  I was told that if you try to say the Rosary and you're sleepy, you can just pray, "angels, if I can not stay awake, please finish my Rosary for me."  I'm not sure how kosher the theology of this is, but I like the idea that if my human weakness and sleepiness can't finish the job, I can call on some angelic help.

My ease of distraction either during Mass or during the Rosary is enough to get me discouraged.  I don't know if it's because I'm a multi-tasked juggling a lot or maybe I have a little ADD, I just have a hard time focusing.  Often during Mass, unless I'm wrangling my five year old (which happens frequently and is a semi-legitimate excuse for lack of attentiveness), it's the first time my mind starts to slow down, and so then many random thoughts come in- thinking about finances, my to-do list, all sorts of thoughts bouncing around.  I will often ask Our Lady to help me focus on the reason I'm there  and help take my distractions away.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers from getting distracted during prayer and Mass.

I believe the important thing though- whether you ask Our Lady or the angels to help that God knows if we are trying.  We are human.  He doesn't ask us to be perfect, he asks us to try and to trust in His grace.  I often think the most difficult mystery for me to contemplate is actually "The Agony in the Garden".  I think it really hits home for me.  I think of the disciples trying to stay awake with Jesus in The Garden of Gethsemane and I think of how my fortitude is probably even less then them.

I guess the answer to my friend's question is the following- it's a work in progress.  I take each day and moment at a time.  I work with a delightful person and I found out what one of her favorite things to say when she's getting frustrated with someone- "I'm going to talk to Jesus, because I can't handle talking to you right now."  It's fairly blunt but we actually all laughed when she said it (it was not directed at me.)  But it's really true.  What if we all remembered that you can talk to Jesus so easily, like you're going to talk to a friend or your Mom.  Form and matter are important, but sometimes you just need to open your heart and let whatever's in there come out.

Gwyneth Paltrow? No, I look up to Gianna Beretta Molla...

In a time where we all judge everybody (including ourselves), it's nice to take a step back and look at role models.  While I admit to enjoying People magazine and seeing the latest news with "Duchess Kate" while I am at doctors offices, I try not to spend money (or too much of my time) comparing and idolizing these beautiful and amazing people.  It doesn't really feel productive and often after I have a "guilty pleasure" of reading gossip pages, I realize it doesn't really make me feel better as a woman.

There is one modern amazing woman though who every time I read about her, I feel inspired and that becoming more like this woman is actually possible.  St. Gianna is her name.  I'll talk a little more about her later.

I'm sure that like many others share the viewpoint with me that while St. Mother Teresa and many other holy people are great to look up to, let's face it, when I'm being honest with myself, it's not going to happen.  However, I remind myself not to throw in the towel yet...

The time I used to have for spiritual reading, meditation and time of prayer;  yep, that too, has kind of gotten pushed aside to dealing with the laundry, playing ball at the park and reading to my son.

Even in St. Mother Teresa's own words, "if you want to save the world, love your children."  Let me tell you, as a mother of a toddler, that's a good phrase to be reminded of.  At this season in my life, it's just not possible to do the charitable work and everything else I did as a single woman (including mission trips to Mongolia and other spontaneous outings).  Just changing that poopy diaper, day after day, and wiping that snotty nose and struggling to get the toddler to nap, or waking up at 2 am to clean up vomit.  Yep, that's the more likely route I am going to be taking to holiness....  A wise Dominican priest was just sharing some thoughts yesterday that I thought were quite consoling for a mother of a young child.  His comments were that while there are spiritual giants in the world, look at Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She is obviously very loved by God and she did not have a "dramatic" spiritual life.  She wasn't spending time with the Angel Gabriel gossiping about the goings on in the celestial kingdom.  She wasn't spending time in ecstasy.  She was making dinner.  And there was a time when Jesus, even though he is the Son of God, he was after all, once a 3 year old.

So back to a role model in the modern world.  If someone told you about a working mom, juggling being a physician and a mother of 3 and a husband that travels all the time, you might think of your neighbor, or yourself.  Add on that she was an avid skier and had a propensity to speed?  I can definitely feel an affinity for her.    I'm not going to tell you the story of how Gianna Beretta Molla became a Saint, there are plenty of good resources that do that (I will include a list below).  Please learn more about her and be inspired by someone like you and me who is living the everyday life of a mother.   Hopefully she will become an inspiring, life-giving role model for you too!

I'll leave you with a quote from her, one I will try to meditate on as I do my next load of laundry...

"The secret of happiness is to live moment by moment and to thank God for all that He, in His goodness, sends to us day after day"

The Journey of Our Love: The Letters of Saint Gianna Beretta and Pietro Molla

Gianna: The Love Letters of a Saint

Love is A Choice: The Life of St. Gianna Molla (DVD which includes home-video from her wedding and video of her canonization, with her family present at the Vatican).

#Adulting

Sometimes I forget that my son has no concept of adulthood.  This is a good thing.  Many children all around the world and even in our own country have all too much of an idea of adulthood and the trials of being adults and losing their childhood.

My son is precocious, and so sometimes it's easy to forget he really doesn't "get" that the world is not made for kids.  He already made the comment that I think most kids make at some point, "There's a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, why isn't there a kid's day?"  Especially because of the fact he's an only child, it's hard to help him distinguish the fact the world does not revolve around him.  It doesn't help either that he's really cute and easily becomes the center of attention wherever we go.  We go and volunteer at a convent/house where there are a bunch of Sisters who treat him like he's a rock star.  He knows where they keep the toys, they normally try to sneak him cookies and goodies, it's almost like going to a house full of grandparents.  That doesn't even account for the 4 natural grandparents he has who are also doting and can't help but make him feel like he's a king.

We try to balance things out and I try to teach him that the needs of others do sometimes come before ours.  I think he's slowly picking up on it, but the other day kind of made me laugh.

Unfortunately we have a car that seems like it's accident prone.  It's a good car, but it seems to be a dent and disaster magnet (That's why I like to drive it, as I tell my husband, "It's not a virgin anymore so it doesn't make me nervous that I'm going to be the one to wreck it")   Fortunately everyone has survived all events unscathed, but it has made two trips to the collision center when it's not even two years old.

My husband was sitting in traffic (on one of the few occasions I "let" him drive the car) when a presumed mentally ill man was shouting expletives and roaming through the street.  The green light didn't come quick enough and the man bashed in the side view mirror.  You know, the fancy one that also has blind spot detectors.  Fortunately, my husband was fine.  The man obviously needed help, but it wasn't a great area and my husband presumed the police wouldn't be able to do anything for the man other than what had already probably been attempted.  How do you explain this incident to a five year old?

"I'm sorry, we need to go to the collision center and wait around for a part to get fixed on the car.  No, the man wasn't bad.  No, it wasn't exactly an accident.  The man was sick and needed help controlling his anger.  You know when you can't control your anger and you accidentally break things?  Yep, that's what sometimes happens.  You break things, it's not exactly an accident, but we try to be understanding.  Yes, it's inconvenient" was along the lines of the conversation we had.

As we were waiting, because collision centers don't do anything without a wait, my son looks around and says, "Why don't they have a playroom?  I explain to him, as I'm looking around at people with their police reports, getting rental cars and in situations much worse than ours, "because collision centers are part of being an adult, not being a kid."  He didn't exactly understand but then was happy when I discovered the coffee machine also made hot chocolate.  We made three trips to the collision center and had a 4.5 hour oil change for our other car that week due to a series of events and promising a part when it was not there...

 I'm pretty sure after all the hot chocolate my son has had he is developing an affinity for the collision center.  I'm fine if for the next 20 years or more my son can associate collision centers with hot chocolate and nothing else. #Adulting- may it belong to me and not my kid for as long as possible.

Sorry I've been away for a bit...

Between a swollen throat (I think attributable to allergies), working out of the area and then a brief anniversary trip with my hubby, I've been away for a bit.  It seems like every time I try to catch up on stuff, another roadblock gets in my way.  The following may be a little gross for sensitive tummies.

I've been doing some work for a vet that's really sick and it's a reminder to me to be appreciative of all the little struggles in life.  Whether it's sitting for five hours in traffic and finding out my son get's carsick or something else (Here's a glimpse of that conversation; "Mommy, can you get home any faster?"  Me- "I wish we could- no sweetie, we are stuck in traffic."  "Mommy, I'm siiiiiick!"  "What feels sick?" I ask (he can sometimes over-dramatize illness).  "Mommy my tummy's sick."  "Are you carsick?"  "No, I'm HOMESICK, I want to be home already!"

Yep, the prospect of being stuck in a hot car with vomit all over the place kind of took some compassion out of my voice.  "Ok, are you going to vomit?"  "yes, I think so, Mommy".  "Ok, would you like this bag, or this box to vomit into?"  "Nope".  "Ok, what's your plan?  Because if you are planning on just vomiting everywhere in the car, that's not going to fly."

 Sorry, I wasn't the most compassionate Mommy at this point, I struggle to understand why I can't get my kid to vomit into receptacles.  I can get dogs and cats to do it, but not my kid.  "If you aren't going to vomit into some type of receptacle, then you need to swallow it, because it's just not cool to do it over everything."  I wasn't serious on this, I was just hoping he would see the wisdom of not making a mess.

I was apparently not persuasive and heard a small noise.  I'm pretty sure it was a burp.  I'm pretty sure my son doesn't know what a burp feels like and he got body functions confused.  I wasn't going to intellectualize it.  I was grateful that after that, we made it home.  I'll be grateful for making it unscathed through horrible traffic.

Gratitude- I thank traveling for that.

A while back I overheard someone talking about travel.  They were putting down a country as being "Third World" and nothing but a pit.  I have been blessed to travel to many parts of the world.  I thank my parents for the blessing of travel they gave us growing up, and more importantly, the seed and curiosity to travel.  I've  been blessed to see many beautiful parts of our planet and I hope to travel to many more.  From the hills and cliffs of Ireland, to the ancient villages, beaches, castles and churches of mainland Europe.  We have family friends in Belgium and France, but frankly, those travels were not as deep and rich as the ones I developed in some countries people would not put first on their destination of choice list.

Every nation has it's own natural beauty.  Some wild, some with deep history.  Each country has its own scars, either from colonialism, communism, civil wars or other parts of its history.  There are parts of countries that are not safe to go to, there are panhandlers, gypsies and groups of people in almost every country that people would like to pretend aren't present.

I have found that I can get by with strange food, strange customs and even strange toilet facilities (I never knew how much I appreciated having a toilet bowl or toilet paper until I spent time in some countries without them) or how much I appreciate having a hot or cold shower when I've travelled to at least 4 different countries where these things were not a guarantee (including Ireland, what is considered a western country).

I've eaten stale bread because that is all the host has had to give.  I've tolerated some strong language, because apparently one of the local dialects involves having a swear word every other sentence.  I've had an old man tell me, "women can't be vets," then quickly back track.  I've walked the beaches where soldiers died fighting for our freedom and seen ancient Roman ruins.  I'm grateful for all my travel and experiences.  Some have been difficult, some ( a lot) have been downright comical.

I've come to appreciate the "western" conveniences and lifestyle that I'm blessed to live with.  Going to some areas of the world can give you a glimpse into how people lived over a hundred years ago, it can be a reminder of all the luxury we have today and a reminder that we don't "Need" the things we think we do.

What I've found most enlightening though are the lessons I've learned from people in these places and locations where some don't dare to tread.  The humanity, the acts of kindness, charity and generosity. I still remember when I was in Mexico and I bought some candy to give to children we met a long the way.  We were at a rural farm and I gave a little boy riding a tricycle a bag of candy.  I then noticed that there were other children further away.  My heart sunk, as I realized that I didn't have any more candy for the rest of the children.  I then noticed that the boy had immediately taken his tricycle over to the other kids.  No parent or adult told him to do this.  He just knew he got something good and he was sharing.  In a land where they don't have excess, sharing was automatic to him; how many 5 year olds in this country do the same?

On the streets of India, giving our leftover food to the poor on the streets and watching an old woman come by every Sunday and giving soup to the poor was also a chance to witness charity as well as seeing the charity of the Missionaries of Charity, St. Mother Teresa's sisters.  St. Mother Teresa herself said, "The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved."  This poverty affects the western world as much, if not more than India.  How many times are people around, but not truly present?

I remember traveling in Europe and how it seemed to get to the point that my teenage voice said, "Not another church, not another castle".  We were on a whirlwind trip and tried to get as much out of it as we could.  I love history, but I've found that I get more out of traveling where I can see great natural beauty.  I also find the beauty of people adapting and being joyful in situations and environments that would be difficult to most Americans as a more important way for me to grow than simply staying in fancy hotels and having the best service (although that's nice too sometimes).

I hope that I will be able to give my son some travel experiences that make his horizons grow and also his appreciation and gratitude grow.  Gratitude for those blessings we have and most importantly for realizing the best blessings are the simple ones; each other.

Memorial Day

I had written this post earlier today and somehow lost it.  I will try to recreate it from the best of my memory....

Memorial Day.  To some, it means picnics, the beginning of summer and time off.  To me, and to all of us, it should mean so much more.

My son last night, in an effort to negotiate for dessert, said, "It's a special holiday, it's Memorial Day, the veterans fought for our right to have dessert."  I corrected him and said, "no, they didn't fight for dessert, they fought for freedom."

Having a grandfather who fought in World War II and a great-grandfather who was a medic in World War I definitely gives me some appreciation for the sacrifice our veterans have made.  My great-grandfather developed depression, anxiety and even underwent electro-shock therapy.  In the light of modern medical knowledge, I'm sure he had PTSD, but back then it was just thought to be mental illness, they didn't understand it.  My great-grandmother also sacrificed as she was a working mom, supporting her family in the 1920's and 30's when it wasn't that common because of my great-grandfather's hospitalizations.

A couple of weeks ago, my family was at a race that was helping to support our wounded veterans.  My son was staring at a man who had two prosthetic legs.  He was getting ready to run.  Instead of saying, "Don't stare," I talked with my son.  I told him, "see the man there who has different legs?"  Yes, my son said in awe.  "That's pretty awesome he's running today isn't it?  My son asked what happened to his legs.  "I don't know his story, he may have not been born with legs, he may have lost them in an accident, or he may have lost them defending our country."  "Wow, " my son answered and pondered.

As I've written before, my husband and I don't want to over-shelter our son.  We don't want him to become part of a society that seems to be becoming more and more entitled every day.  We want him to be a person of gratitude.

In light of this, we let him watch the Memorial Day Special on PBS last night.  Perhaps unwise, because he is easy to have nightmares, but he's always enjoyed watching for the music.  We let him watch a little bit more (although not the most gruesome).   We watched and talked about gratitude.  My heart changed a little as I watched and thought of my grandfather and great-grandfather who fought for our country, our rights, our freedom and for the right of my son to have dessert.  I'm pretty sure my grandpa would have agreed, that's an important right.  Our freedom to live and be peaceful and grateful and enjoy dessert rests on all those veterans, now and before who fight for those who they never even got to know.