What I'm Reading Now...

I don't have a whole ton of time for reading, but I'm still an avid reader.

When I was younger, I read voraciously.  My parents didn't push reading on us, just like I'm not pushing it on our son.  I suspect and his teacher suspects that he has some reading ability at this point, but there's no flashcards or trying to make him read.  I figure that sooner than I want he won't let me read to him anymore, so at this time, I will cherish the snuggles and reading.  We started reading to him when I was pregnant (only occasionally) and since then there's probably only been a very few days where he hasn't had something read to him.

When he was 5 months old, he LOVED Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb by Al Perkins.  It could even stop a crying fit in my son if you pulled that book out.  It's still a favorite of mine to pass on to new parents.  With a grandma as a former librarian, my son's collection of books is enormous and his "favorite book" changes on a weekly basis.  His love for reading is developing well.  I imagine he may become somewhat like I was when I was a kid.

I was a voracious reader.  I would read anything I could get my hands on.  Whether it be National Geographic, a bunch of old Reader's Digest books my grandparents had or the Encyclopedia Britannica, I would read it.  I would generally work on 5-7 books at the same time (which made for heavy baggage when I travelled anywhere.)

I read a lot of non-fiction because I wanted to learn about everything, but generally I liked to switch between books.  Sometimes, I would be so enthralled in a book I would stay up late to finish (including Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings).

Then Veterinary School happened.  That squashed my desire to read really anything additional to all the other stuff I had to read and keep up with.  I'm not sure if it was my eyes, my brain, or my spirit- they were all exhausted from all the academics.  It was hard to motivate me to try to upload anymore information.  For a period of about eight years,  I really didn't touch many books.

Then I was busy with an internship and my first few years in practice.  As my need to "upload" more academic information slowed down, I desired to learn more about the rest of the world.  Especially when I was getting ready to plan a mission trip to Mongolia, I wanted to read more about the culture and place I was going to.  Around this time, I found out that you can check out books from the library electronically, without stepping into a physical library.

Fast forward and I had my son and spent many hours nursing him.  During his feeding sessions that could take an hour, I would put my phone on airplane mode and read away.  The more I read and the more "senior" I became as a veterinarian and confident in my knowledge, the more I've gone to recreational reading.  I still have a tendency to read a lot of non-fiction, or historical fiction.

Last week I just finished, The Zookeepers Wife: A War Story.  It was a great story for me to read.  I'm 50% Polish, so learning about Polish heroes, especially one's that lived in the same era as my grandparents was engaging.  I also have a fascination with World War II history and how ordinary people are capable of extraordinary actions in hard times.  It was a very engaging story and one that I had a hard time breaking away from.  I also loved that the people in the story utilized their knowledge of animal psychology when dealing with humanity- and inhumanity.

Another book I'm close to finishing is Extreme Medicine: How Exploration Transformed Medicine In The Twentieth Century.  As a medical professional and a lover of history, this was a perfect molding of the two.  The author has lived an interesting life, from working on helicopters, to aerospace to a diving doctor, he is like a jack of all trades who makes medical lingo accessible and can tell a great story.  I wish that when I was in veterinary school I learned how reconstructive surgery and skin flaps originated with World War II pilots.  That would have helped me get a lot more excited.  From all different medical advances, the author goes back into the history of how they came about- how heart surgery was "forbidden" up to the 1950s and how anesthesia used to be the profession for doctors who couldn't do anything else- how times have changed!

I have a couple more books on my to-do list next, A Man Called Ove,  My Badass Book of Saints and Hidden Figures are on my to-do list.

My husband and I are actually listening to First Sisters, by Jenna Hager and Barbara Bush and I may end up finishing it by reading.  It's a book that has been fairly family friendly for the car and fairly light for driving.

What books are you reading now?

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Being quiet for Santa

As I was talking to my son Christmas Eve, I realized some of his crankiness throughout the day was- lack of sleep, overabundance of excitement and possibly a certain amount of Type A-ness....

Now my husband is outwardly Type A and I'm an inward Type A person.  Many people would not believe I'm Type A.  I am at work, but I WORK hard at NOT being Type A in my private life for health and spiritual reasons.  It is work though.  When I'm around fellow people who are tightly wound or obsessive compulsive it drives me crazy because it makes it harder for me to LET GO.  I WORK at Letting Go and enjoying God's creation.  Just like we have to work at realizing that Christmas is not a meal, not the perfect gift or anything like that.  Christmas is not anything we earn or work hard for.  Christmas is a Blessing and sometimes we have to let go of our own hangups and lack of perfection and just let ourselves be BLESSED.

As I spoke with my son, I realized he was legitimately worried that his less than stellar behavior would mean no presents and a lump of coal under the tree.  This had been jokingly mentioned and we had mentioned that Santa likes good little girls and boys.  He also informed us sometime this weekend that he did not like the "You better be good" Christmas song.  I reassured my son that Santa, like his mommy and daddy just want him to TRY to be nice.  We don't expect perfection and heaven knows we love him no matter what he does, but we know that God made him to be a great man and so we expect that he tries to fulfill who God made him to be.

His body relaxed and he smiled.  I didn't realize that he was being mentally tormented that because he had less than stellar behavior he was "not going to get Christmas".  We told him that Jesus came precisely because we are all not perfect and that is the Blessing of Christmas.  I then told him he did need to be quiet and stay in his room overnight because Santa does not want to be "discovered".  I told him that when he heard Santa on the rooftop, or the reindeer eating their reindeer food, he had to stay real quiet and pretend he was sleeping.  He then looked at me, tapped me on the shoulders and said, "You have to tell Grandma and Grandpa not to snore and Duchess (our cat) to be quiet so I can listen for Santa and his reindeer."  It was a very sweet moment.

Hope your Christmas was full of sweet moments too!

The Blessing Of A Few Broken Bones At Christmas...

Let me just start with this.... One of my least favorite things to diagnose in my patients is broken toes.  They are painful and there's really not a whole lot you can do other than some pain medication and try to convince active dogs and cats to "take it easy".  Good luck with that.

In my early days, especially coming from a school that is known world-wide for it's orthopedic expertise (most of the orthopedic surgeries in veterinary medicine originated with my old professors in some form) I would try to treat.  This involved carefully placed splints and bandages.  After about a year of doing it this way, (seeing more than I can count as an emergency clinician), I just kind of threw up my hands in the air.  Often times the splint took a painful dog to completely non-weightbearing and agitated.  How can you explain that putting something uncomfortable and that interferes with walking is going to help?

Sometimes, due to improper care of the bandage the broken toe became limb swelling or infection or something worse.  I don't really think the splints ever made a huge difference.  In animals that are calm or a particularly bad case, or multiple broken toes, I'll still place a bandage- more to make me feel like I'm doing something than really thinking it will help.  I've had broken toes before (I'm an inherent klutz) and I know you just kind of power through it.

Tuesday, I'm not sure exactly how it happened but a piece of our cabinetry that we had meant to fix fell from about a height of three feet and hit me squarely on my middle toe and middle metatarsal (foot bone).  I'm not a curser by nature, but I kind of wanted to holler something.  My four year old was standing nearby.  I transferred my expressions of pain to stomping on my heel until I could regain my composure.  My four-year old so "helpfully" came over and said, "Mommy, there's no blood- it's all good, you can stop carrying on," or something along those lines.  My son is normally empathetic, apparently not in this case.  By the level of swelling, bruising and pain, I didn't really need an X-ray to figure out that it's broken.  I iced it and called a friend in the medical profession and asked, "Is it like it is in my patients, kind of stinks to be you but there's nothing we can do situation?" She verified what I already knew and said, "you don't need to go to urgent care before Christmas, you can get it checked out after and there's not really much you can do..."

So I've been hobbling around with a broken toe and metatarsal.  I initially tried to power through and then I reassessed.  Rest is best and do I really need to do a ton of stuff at Christmas time?  So a couple of my friends are going to get gifts after Christmas....so I asked a friend to pick up some stuff for me from Costco instead of hobbling around myself... so some cookies didn't get baked....  Christmas does go on.  As my four year old reminds me- what's important at Christmas is that it's Jesus' birthday.  Let's just simplify it.  I don't think he notices half the stuff I do for Christmas anyway.

So my broken bones have meant that I'm not racing around as much and I'm enjoying more cuddle time.  It has forced me to slow down and realize I don't HAVE to do everything.  That is a blessing.  Merry Christmas!

The Quietest Room In The House...

Just in case you missed it last year, I still think it's a good post and I updated it for the catholic mom.com website-  Christmas Stress, it's a good reminder for me every year- and every time I fall prey to worrying about other people's expectations.

So today we had an interesting morning.  My father is very good at what he does and is a very smart and influential guy (I can brag about my Dad, right?).  Anyway, he does a bunch of interviews with different groups and people that are done on video.  Apparently this is so "everyday" for him, he didn't let us know he needed a "recording studio" when he visited.  My mom, son and I found ourselves being puzzled at 9 this morning when my dad was getting ready for an interview and he set up shop in our kitchen breakfast nook.  "Ok now, everyone be quiet," was said.  This was at a point when my "not really a morning person" 4 year old hadn't had his breakfast yet- oh- and did I mention he likes to eat breakfast in front of the TV?  My mom and I both realized that trying to keep a 4 year old quiet is akin to herding cats, and was unlikely to happen.

We hurried around the house looking for a suitable location.  It couldn't have clutter- that ruled out my husband's office where we have tons of stuff to file and other boxes.  It needed to be quiet.  That ruled out a good deal of spaces.  It couldn't have stuff on the wall.  The guest room seemed like a good spot and I thought if we just moved the huge poster of St. John Paul II we would be all set with a blank wall.  Apparently I forgot that St. John Paul II was helping us cover up butterflies and flowers that had been put up by the little girl that lived in our house before... and we didn't take them down because they were impossible to peel off.

Running out of time to find a suitable location- we actually chose the four year old's bedroom.  Yep, the quietest place in the house in the morning is the bedroom of the preschooler and that's the easiest room to keep him from bounding into.

So next time you are looking for a quiet room in your house- just remember it may not be the first one that comes to mind.

Being grateful.. and anthropomorphizing

With some recent unexpected car trouble (which was really unexpected as we bought both of our cars new last year), my husband and I have learned to be grateful for the convenience of 2 working cars.  Fortunately, the warranty on the problems we've had on both cars has paid for the problems, but that doesn't make up for the inconveniences involved.

Last week, it was one of our cars that we got set up in advance for an appointment but somehow the dealership messed up and sent the needed part back.  They didn't tell us until after we dropped off the car on a day both my husband and I were available (which is rare).  We would have to try to find a time to bring the car back AGAIN.  I took the news fairly well over the phone and my husband decided the service man at the dealership was lucky I took the call because he wouldn't have been as understanding.  As I went to pick up the car and spoke with the serviceman I told him what my husband had said.  He was very grateful that he got me he said, he said that he felt better that I was understanding and if only I could have heard him yelling at the person's who fault it was.  I told him I'm in the line of work where I get to tell people bad news unfortunately often (and in my case it's not my fault but the fault of age and disease).  I told him I don't shoot the messenger and I know screw-ups happen.  It also didn't hurt I told him that they had been excellent with their service in their past, "You've made a withdrawal, but fortunately there's enough money in the bank to cover it," I analogized.

Then this week there was a different problem with our other car...  That is after we all had the flu over the weekend, someone messed up my work schedule and I found myself leaving the house with two different(un-matching) shoes all in the same day.  Sometimes you just have to laugh at stuff like that.

We found out that public transportation is not as bad as we remembered.  My husband took public transit for two days and found out he actually got home quicker.  I took it today and found out I didn't have to go in tons of traffic with ice on the road.  Sure, there's the downsides to public transit, but rather than sitting in the car with clenched fists for over an hour, I got to be in a warm vehicle reading a book- not too bad!  My husband and I both found a valid option- not for every day use, but for when it works out and it could help the environment too!

I found myself today comparing a difficult behavioral case in a dog to what I was seeing with my sometimes difficult 4 1/2 year old preschooler.  As I was counseling the owners, I was aware that I was using strategies  that I was reading about and using in my own child.  While a dog doesn't have quite the intellect of a preschooler, there can still be portions of psychology that children and animals can have in common.  I admitted to the owners of the dog that I was seeing these similarities, and while I don't typically like anthropomorphizing, sometimes human and animal psychology aren't that different...  When you find yourself saying, "try to take control out of the equation" and "trying not to battle over who controls things, give them some autonomy"  one can see that some things in the animal and human world are not that far apart...

Almond Milk

I recently found out that I have a sensitivity to dairy...  It was probably only recently because pretty much my whole life I've adored the flavor of cream, cheese and everything dairy.

Literally- I could live on dairy and maybe a few veggies here and there- I always said I wouldn't be able to be a vegan because I'm so addicted to dairy.  Needless to say when I found out that dairy and I don't agree, it was a sad day.  Once I eliminated dairy from my diet it was very apparent how sensitive I am to it.  Between lethargy and a range of symptoms I'll spare you from discussing, it is definitely not kind to me.  Now- I still love how it tastes, so I will still have it in small amounts.  Thankfully it's a sensitivity and NOT an allergy.

A while ago (even before my dairy avoidance) I started getting almond milk because it's about the only way I can get almonds into my son which is something his allergist wants so he doesn't become allergic to it.  For a while I could blend a little in with his regular milk and he had no idea.  Lately, his palate has become sensitive.  He will wrinkle his nose and point to it and say, "There's almond milk in here!".  He says it as if he's Sherlock Holmes.  Between him being on to it and then me finding out the "potential" carcinogens in commercially made almond milk, I was about ready to throw my hands up in the air.  A friend pointed out that it was really easy to make almond milk.

Between work, making homemade bread, meals for my family and all the busyness of the Christmas season, adding something more to my to do list just didn't sound appealing.  I went ahead and bought a nut milk bag and gave it a try.  I soaked the almonds overnight- not to hard and blenderized following the milk bag company's directions.  It was actually pretty easy and not bad to clean up.  I even sweetened the milk with a few dates I had and put in a little homemade vanilla.  My son saw the frothy mixture I had and after scolding me for using the blender (apparently it's too loud for him), asked for some.  I told him, "It's mommy's and I don't think you will like it."  "I think I will like it," he said.  I gave him a little and then he asked for a whole glass.  So maybe it's not almond milk he doesn't like, maybe it's just commercial almond milk...

Now- if there's only a delicious vegan cheese out there I'll be all set!

The Perils of Christmas- A Veterinarian's Perspective

Besides the perils of stress, drama and seasonal affected disorder as well as everything else that doesn't put people in the holiday mood, I've been reminded of a couple of other perils recently.

1) Cutting down the Christmas tree and getting it home.  The cutting of the Christmas tree this year wasn't too bad as my husband planned ahead and purchased a new saw.  I also remembered if you bring cash to pay for the tree you can take the short line.  As we were tying the tree to the top of the car, there was foul language I heard all around.

From family drama to someone next to us waiting over an hour to back up to all the other stresses of the season, there was language out there that my son had never heard before (and I hope his little mind did not process).  I may not be perfect in a ton of ways, but my husband and I don't swear, so if my son says a swear word, it's not going to be learned from his parents.  Fortunately my husband is an assertive driver and we were out in no time.  We did have to wait over an hour at our restaurant for lunch, but that's another story.  I didn't exactly enjoy my lunch, or the trip, as my husband told me he didn't trust his knots, so the tying of the Christmas tree would be up to me.  Unfortunately, I had recently seen the insurance advertisement where "mayhem" is a Christmas tree that falls off the car.  Yep, that's what I had visions of all the way home on our 45 minute ride back.  I looked up through the sunroof of our fairly new car, praying my knots would hold.  I don't think I've been that stressed since I had a dog with an open chest and was putting in sutures near the aorta.  Stressful!

2) Make sure you know what your guests are bringing into the house.  Yep.  That sugar cookie might have more in it than what you think...  Especially now when so many states have marijuana bakeries...  Yep, I saw that recently.  It's also real fun when your guest brings a baked good into your house that they have no idea what substance exactly it has in it...  This goes for your kids guests too.  I don't need to spell it out more.

3) Want to know what the weekend after Thanksgiving and Christmas veterinarians are doing?  This is two pronged.  This is the one time of year that your veterinarian's clinic may run out of anti-diarrheal medicine, or anti-nausea medicine.  Yep- not only do the humans partake in too much stuff or the wrong type of stuff this time of year our four-legged friends do too.

4) It's not always the happiest time of the year....  Ask any veterinarian who's been in practice for a little bit and they will tell you; Christmas and Thanksgiving are when we euthanize the most animals.  Either a family member comes home and notices that their dog is a lot sicker because they haven't been around it for a while, OR people who are really busy during the year are spending more time at home and notice their pet more OR the family has been waiting for someone to come home for the holidays to say goodbye.  Yep- this is a time of sadness for a lot of people saying goodbye to their pet and there's something paradoxical about trying to get all in the Christmas mood and at work you have to grieve multiple times a day...

#4 is obviously the biggest peril in a vet's mental health.  #2 and #3 are cases where we can genuinely help our patients.  Sometimes putting stress in perspective helps and sometimes watching my son try to tell the "Story of Christmas" helps.  Apparently, as my son tells it, Jesus said, "Hey, will you guys be my disciples?"  The disciples said "sure".  Then Jesus said, "Ok, then come see me be born in a manger and celebrate my birthday and go to the Last Supper when he was 3 years old".  Obviously my son has some processing to do on this whole story, but it sure is interesting to see his take, and reassuring that Santa and gifts weren't mentioned.

Advent Book Review: Waiting With Purpose

If we don't wait for something, if we get instant gratification, it's just not as special and we take it for granted.  Jeannie Ewing's book Waiting With Purpose is a perfect Advent companion but also a good read for any time of year.  All of us have waited and longed for something.  Whether it's a spiritual desert we are in, or trying to figure out what we are going to do next, we all wait, but do we wait with a purpose?

Many people try to skip past Advent and go straight to Christmas.  I smiled as my son reminded my husband as they set up a nativity scene, "Daddy, it's not Christmas yet so Jesus doesn't go on the manger yet."  This was a special tradition from my family, as well as the Advent Calendar, Advent Wreath and encouragement to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation at this time of year.  Not only do we get the house ready with decorations and prepare gifts for others and bake cookies, but it's time to get our hearts ready too.  Consider doing something special this Advent and "lean into" the wait.  Come Christmas, the wait and anticipation will be worth it.

It is apparent that the author's time spent waiting has been for good use.  Her trials and struggles, and most of all the passing of time, was necessary to bring about such rich insights that are hard to find and understand in our instant gratification society.  She shares these insights in a very accessible way.  Jeannie's words of wisdom come off the pages and it almost feels like I could have a conversation with her over coffee, discussing the troubles of my life like I would a good friend.

 "He does not rest in a soul that is anxious or fretful... If God hides or rests in you, it is precisely because you are His beloved and have provided a refuge to Him in your heart..."  It's hard for me to pick specific words of wisdom from this book, as it so rich with them!

Like a fine wine or good whiskey- sometimes there is no substitute for time and waiting in order to bring about something more rich and wonderful than a human can imagine.  Our trials and tribulations are not for naught.  God is there, in all of it, and he is able to build a masterpiece when we hand over the steering wheel and have patience on our journey.

While giving examples, such as St. Monica waiting for St Augustine to leave his debauchery, and tapping into the richness of our Catholic history and tradition, this book would be fully accessible and enlightening to Protestants and others on a spiritual journey to grow closer to God through patience and waiting.  The author also speaks about waiting in community vs. waiting on your own and the different types of active and passive waiting.

"In the darkness of the night we await our Bridegroom, like the five wise and five foolish virgins."  The author gives an abundance of scriptural references to draw from and applies them to modern life.

Her writing reminds me that, while I fret and worry about the exterior preparations of getting ready for Christmas, the interior preparation to do some spiritual housecleaning is even more important.  I may just add reading Jeannie Ewing's book to my annual Advent preparations.




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A Long But Beautiful End To The Day

This post is occurring so late tonight because it was a long day.  It was one of those long days where I thought, "Maybe I should listen to my son when he says he just wants to be bored."

My husband has been working late a lot this week- which means my son pretty much refuses to go to bed until he gets home, or close to that time.  Which means he's horrible to wake up.  It's fun.  No- not really.

After waking him up this morning and he did not have the strength to go to school I reminded him we were supposed to go to a Christmas Concert tonight at one of his favorite churches.  I hadn't planned this into our already busy December schedule, but a well-connected friend got us tickets to sit in the VIP section.

Several times today I considered aborting the plan.  My day at work was hard- I actually got kicked by a 3 year old human (I've found out I have more patience with being abused by people's pets than by their kids).  The trip to get from work to pick him up from school took an hour and a half instead of 45 minutes.  My son was not the most cooperative and I feared traffic would be bad on the way to the church that was on the other side of town.  As I was doing a mad dash to let the dog out and change and find appropriate clothes for my son, he decided to have a breakdown when I told him, "No- you may not wear sweatpants to Church!".  We got in the car and several times I considered turning around.  I could tell the little guy was tired.  I could tell this could be a recipe for disaster.  He cracked me up when he told me he was "cooped up in Church clothes".

Getting a little pizza into him lightened his spirit.  He must have picked up how worried I was that we were going to be late because he became worried that we were going to be late.  We actually arrived 45 minutes ahead of time to hear the carillon.  The church was decorated beautifully and our seats were at the front, right below a beautiful dome.  My son excitedly pointed out, "What's a sister doing up there?"  It made me happy to see him think of Mother Teresa as one of the religious sisters he knew.  He then saw St. John Paul II on the ceiling and said, "Hey, I know him".  He died long before my son was born, but he has gotten to know him through pictures and books and his parents talking about him.

The concert started and my son was on the edge of his seat.  I sat back for the first time all day and just tried to take it in.  The singers, orchestra, carillon and bells.  It was magical.  I remembered the last time I had been to a Christmas concert was when I was pregnant with my son.  That was the first time I had felt him moving inside me.  It was beautiful to have that memory and then see this 4 1/2 year old in front of me enjoying the music and wanting to sing along.

There were some ups and downs tonight.  At one point, I started to take him out of the Church, so he wouldn't disrupt the other people in church- he quickly figured out that we had the best VIP seats and that is where he wanted to be.  I had told him at one point that I used to go to sleep during concerts, a family friend actually called the nice dresses my mom dressed us in our "fancy pajamas" because we spent more time asleep in them than we did awake.  I told my son he could rest under Jesus and the sister and the friendly man and go to sleep.  According to him he drowsed off at one point.  The sweetest thing I've heard in a while came out at one point, "Mommy- I could just stay here with you and God and the Angels and Mary and Jesus for the rest of time".

Yep- sometimes it's good to push through a day and to work a little extra harder to have precious moments.  I have a feeling my son will remember this night for a while.  Thank you God, for giving me the patience to push through.