The value of curiosity....

 The old expression, "curiosity killed the cat" definitely has its place.  I see many of my patients who get in trouble from being overly curious.  There is obviously also a spiritual hazard in being the wrong kind of curious - gossip, judging others, etc..  Curiosity in some circumstances can be a gift.

I have benefited greatly from someone's curiosity.  Without trying to get too much into my history, (but enough so this will be understood) I was in very close proximity to a predator.  This predator who caused misery for many girls and young women definitely had evil at work in his life.  Though my interactions with this person were 20 years ago, I have been working on processing the feelings the past couple of years.  Dealing with fear, betrayal and also not quite remembering what happened during that time of my life (I was on medication that actually messed with memory back then), I turned to prayer.  I also felt confused and maybe a little bit of guilt, that these others experienced such horrible things and I was given the grace to keep my childhood innocence.

As time has gone on and I've processed more, I realized something.  The sports trainer who was attached to my team ALWAYS was at my appointments.  He was a fairly big guy who later on joined the military.  I reached out to him because I really felt I needed to say thank you.  I asked him if he remembered always being at my medical appointments and he said, "Yes, I always tried to, not because I suspected anything, which I feel awful I didn't and could have done something, but because I was curious and wanted to learn."

His innocent curiosity about medicine is most likely what saved me from horrible violations.  His presence  provided me protection I didn't even know I needed.  I am truly grateful.  I also have to think the Holy Spirit had something to do with his curiosity and his call to be present.

So remember, while curiosity can get you into trouble; it can keep others out of it.  If the Holy Spirit is prompting you to be curious, follow that prompt.  You may not ever know why, but curiosity and being present can be great gifts.

A Catholic Womans Guide To Relationships

I am putting together a care package for a friend and was torn on whether or not to send "A Catholic Woman's Guide To Relationships" that I had received.  Written by Rose Sweet, this compact book has just been a great companion, and I don't want to give it away!  

Most likely I will end up buying my own copy, because the virtue of charity and letting it be shared is greater than my possessiveness.  This book is easy to read, has great tips and is the nice size to fit into a purse.  I often took it with me to Mass to read prior to the service.  I used the humility prayer as a bookmark and those two forces together were helpful in my spiritual growth.

Rose Sweet writes with wisdom, humor and humility.  She uses personal stories to illustrate points.

There is a table of contents, but I would say the book is not a reference book, it's best to be read in order.  It is composed of 6 parts which are rather sequential.  Nevertheless, I could probably use another go around on the "listening" section.

Standing at the Door- entering the interior world, exploring the mystery and following the master

Listening- learning to listen, hearing with the heart, listening in silence

Leading- understanding your role, using your gifts, letting them fall

Loving- being a gift, adjusting your expectations, respecting their freedom

Letting Go- facing your fears, releasing control, learning to trust

Sitting at the Fire- releasing shame, seeking forgiveness, letting God lead

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to buying another copy to read again.

“I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”

Something to be aware of...

 The uncertainty of life, especially with the delta variant has been affecting everyone.

I was talking with a friend of a friend the other day and she was very upset with her veterinarian.  I also have a friend that I talked to as well who expressed frustration with their veterinarian.  I could understand where both were coming from, and there was a myriad of issues.  But some of the issues they had are some many of my clients have as well.  It is difficult to get a hold of a veterinarian now.  One clinic I know of only has three phone lines.  With everything being done over the phone; checking in, checking out, picking up prescriptions, scheduling appointments and trying to go over exam findings, treatment, cost, etc., three phone lines are not enough.  In some circumstances, veterinarians actually go out to the car to talk to people because they could wait for a phone line to open up for 20 minutes or more.  This can make us late for all of our future appointments, besides being frustrating for everyone.

Not only did many people adopt pets during the pandemic, there are a LOT of new pet owners.  People who need help talking through the basic things most experienced pet owners already know.  Things such as, behavior, nutrition, what is normal vs. abnormal behavior.  Sometimes, to do a thorough job, I find myself spending 40 minutes or more talking to people (which is just not realistic when appt times are 20-30 minutes long).

More people are spending more time with their pets and they are noticing more things.  The occasional cough you've been noticing for the past 2-3 years becomes more problematic when you are spending all your time with your pet.  What seemed like the pet coughing once a day may be noticed occurring multiple times an hour.  Add to that all the preventative care and surgeries that were delayed from earlier in the pandemic and you have some very busy veterinary offices.

Emergency rooms across the country are actually closing to new emergencies.  One emergency room I called to transfer a patient actually could not pick up the phone because they were too busy.

This is occurring across the country, and some clinics are scheduling surgeries into October and November.  It's kind of crazy that, at the 12-week puppy visits, I'm telling people to schedule their spay/neuter so we can still do it around 6 months of age.

Add to the above stresses, the workplace shortage is a real thing.  Many clinics are having trouble finding adequate, let alone trained staff.  This is not the time in a stressful environment to be training newbies, but we have to, if we are lucky to find an assistant or veterinary nurse to help.  When I have plenty of staff, I can be very efficient, and work with multiple clients at once.  When I am short-staffed, I can run an hour or more behind by trying to be all things to all people.  While I have no problem doing clerical or technical things (even though most nurses are better than I am at drawing blood); this is not the most efficient use of my time.

In addition, there has been an ongoing mental health crisis in veterinary medicine that many people are unaware of.  We as a profession are trying to figure out why.  Whether it's the people who are attracted to veterinary medicine, the demands of the job, the stress of sky-rocketing student loans greater than human medical students with less professional compensation or the easy access to drugs; we haven't pinpointed it yet.  One study looked at obituaries over 15 years of veterinarians and found that 10% died due to suicide.

We as a profession sometimes have difficulty with setting boundaries.  I told the friend of a friend that while her old veterinarian was happy to come to her home and go out of her way to help her (something that I, in my past have also done), it is not a normal expectation that a veterinarian does that, or is available 24/7.  For our mental health, we need time off, we need boundaries and we need people to understand what is and is not a reasonable expectation.

It is reasonable to expect us to be compassionate.  We take an
oath, we are a profession, not just something we show up and get a paycheck.  We also are imperfect people.  People who are trying to navigate this mess in the same storm as everyone else.  People who sometimes need to say, "No".  "No," I don't want to work another day where I had a 12 hour shift and because of lack of time to drink water and time in general, I haven't been able to get to the restroom for a break or it's been 8 hours since I ate something.  "No," your dog who has been vomiting for 5 days and you haven't contacted us is now a problem for you and you want me to miss my family's weekly pizza and a movie night, rather than go to the ER.

So, just think about these things the next time you get frustrated with someone saying no (and this goes for any profession, including service people and retail workers).  While it may be inconvenient and irritating to you, it could be someone just trying to manage in this crazy world.

Theology of The Home 1 and 2 and Daily Planner

I love the Theology of the Home, Book 1 and 2, that I received, as well as the daily planner.  Theology of the Home, Book 1 is a great "coffee table book" with wonderful pictures and wonderful messages about establishing and growing theology in your home.  Book 2 was more about Catholic feminism and the feminine genius.  I loved how it had examples of women who are at different phases in their life and have different roles in motherhood.  Whether it be a stay at home mom, a part-time or full-time work outside the home mom, an empty nester mom or a single layperson, it seemed to have a little something for everyone.

With beautiful images that could match trendy magazines, this book is great for Catholic women.  While it is visually appealing, it discusses placing importance on God first, and the household will follow.  With various vignettes and short chapters, this book can be read a little at a time.  You don't need a great chunk of time to get a little out of it each day.  This book is a mix of Catholic feminism (definitely different from secular feminism), theology and artistry (great images worthy of any coffee table).

There are lots of great quotes in this book.  One of them that I thought was representative was, "The modern response to this story of dissatisfaction has been that we’ve valued home too much and at too great an expense.  What this diagnosis fails to see is that when home feels like a prison, it’s not because we’ve given it too much importance but because we’ve given it far too little.”

This was a great book and I am actually reluctant to loan it to others because I want to keep it for myself...  I have given additional copies as a gift, and I think it would be great for a new mom or new wife.  I gave it to my Mom and it almost brought me to tears because I see how in living her motherhood, she helped instill in me greater Catholic values than I had realized.





“I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”

Upcoming Feast Day!

 What do a beautiful woman who tried to make herself ugly, a poor humble friar, a woman who in loose terms, told the Pope to "man up", a 24 year old handsome young man and a extremely talented artist whose work appears in most major art museums with images of the Rosary and a Saint known as the “Dumb ox” who is a brilliant Doctor of The Church have in common?

Here are some more hints to the question:

1) The group they belong to are well known for their love of wine from the very beginning.  It is said they learned to drink deep from the wine of God’s Word.

 
2) Founded December 22, 1216.  They’ve been around for over 800 years

3) Legend has it that the founder's mother (who is a Blessed) had a dream about a dog leaping from her womb with a torch in its mouth and spreading fire to the Earth.  This may be one of the reasons this group is sometimes referred to as the "Hounds of The Lord"

4) The group is known as the "Order of Preachers"

Why, they are Dominicans of course!  Their names in order of the above description include: St. Rose of Lima, St. Martin dePorres, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Catherine of Siena and Blessed Fra Angelico and St. Thomas Aquinas.  There are well over 300 Saints and Blesseds that belong to the Dominican order. 
 

Who was St. Dominic and how is he relevant today?  Well, I will give you a layperson's "Readers Digest" version of his story.  He was born in the middle ages, in times of great turmoil, when Spain and Europe were being overtaken and there were wars and more wars between Christian Europe and Muslims, the time known as the Crusades.

St. Dominic didn't fight those battles though.  Instead, he fought against the Albigensian heresy.   Now the following is an oversimplification,  but let me go ahead and phrase it in the following way.  The Albigensian heretics were people who thought: "Spirit good, body bad."  While you can probably figure out that there are some religious groups today that believe that, the ones who think the body is where all sin comes from and people don't have control over what their body does, etc. as well as those who rationalize that whatever the body does/decisions it makes it doesn't matter because the spirit is good and has no control over the body (could be a comparison to some New Age beliefs).  Today, in our society one could argue there is another type of Albigensian heresy where instead of just the spirit mattering and not the body, the opposite is true.  Who cares about the spirit and just do what the body says because there is no spirit and we just live in the now.  Catholic teaching teaches that; Jesus came to us as divine God and Man, Son of Mary, so thus, he redeemed us both body AND soul.  This has so many implications.

St. Dominic didn't fight this heresy on the battlefield, he fought it in taverns and on the street, wandering through Europe, teaching, listening and instructing and he calls his followers to do the same.  Dominicans search for Truth, they search by academic study, conversation and more.  Their 4 pillars include Prayer, Common Life, Study and Preaching and this is how they divide their days.  Dominicans can be Priests, Sisters, Friars and Lay people (meaning just like you and me, I am a Lay Dominican, as a matter of fact).

I once heard a joke where a priest said he wanted to "live like a Jesuit and die like a Dominican".  Well, I won't comment on the Jesuit part, but the Dominican part may be because the Dominicans, "look after their own" and many others of course.  A Dominican charism is to daily pray for their deceased Dominicans and St. Dominic actually told his friars that he would "do far more for them when he died than he did when he was alive."  There are MANY wonderful books much more scholarly than I am who share oodles of information about St. Dominic.  Please consider reading them.  There's also a great podcast on Catholic Answers Focus which is a great interview with Kevin Vost, a Dominican biographer.    

Hopefully this blog has lit a small fire to your desire to learn more about St. Dominic and Dominicans!  Happy Feast of St. Dominic!

"Mommy, How's Your Bucket?"

 It had been a long week...  My son had heard me talking with my husband about how I was doing.  How the leaky, unable to move faucet was putting a hole in my bucket.  How a lot of different frustrations, such as going to the DMV and waiting with non-socially distanced people and a disinterested bureaucrat had put another hole in my bucket.  How my bucket was about ready to tip over because I came home to find everything I had just tidied up the day before out across our floor again.

In our house we use the "bucket" analogy which I believe we read about in Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages book".  Everyone has a "bucket". This is kind of your reservoir of patience, love and happiness.  My son realizes annoying or hurtful things empty your bucket, while things that give you joy fill your bucket.  He realizes if mommy has an empty bucket it is probably time to either give me some space, give me a hug, or let me go for a walk before he asks for help with something.  I have also found if I'm going to respond in impatience to any one in my family, I can just say, "I have an empty bucket" and they get the message.

At the end of this long week, my husband and I were trying to invest in my son's "bucket" by doing a family tickle war.  My son's language is touch, so tickling or cuddling fills his bucket.  My husband has a pretty small bucket to fill, so I guess I'm kind of lucky on that front; however, his bucket is only filled by acts of service, like me doing housework (definitely not bucket-filling for me).  We hadn't recently talked about all this, but as our tickle war was getting ready to start, my son asked me, "Mommy, how's your bucket?".  I smiled and looked at him.  "My bucket is full- playing with you today, snuggling with you this morning and taking this time together as a family has helped me fill my bucket today, thank you."  My son smiled and said, "I'm so happy you are happy."  I hadn't really realized that my son had been paying attention to all the times my husband and I have referenced the bucket but my son had picked up on it.  Sometimes we need to pay attention to our buckets.  With a full bucket, it overflows into those around us.  While it's not a analogy that uses a lot of terms of faith, I think it's a great way to explain taking care of yourself and others to kids.

As of August 1st

 Any regular subscribers to my blog will no longer receive e-mails when a new blogpost is posted; please do check back on Tuesdays and Fridays as I am trying to get back into the regular schedule of blogs.  It has been a long year for everyone, and attempting to get back to normal is a definite goal!  I will probably be doing Friday book reviews : )

Silver lining of waiting for adoption

 I was talking with a social worker the other day.  Many people do not realize that many adoption agencies have so many people waiting to adopt, they aren't allowing new prospective families.  There are also many families who are willing and enthusiastic to adopt babies with special needs, whether that means drug exposure or chromosomal abnormalities.

An average "wait time" in our area for a baby to adopt is over two years.  While there are many kids in the foster system, some jurisdictions do not allow foster parents to bring kids to church with them and for families that already have kids, it could expose those kids to situations and language that it would be best to protect them from.  So we are in a current situation where
many kids need foster families and many potential families want to adopt.

International adoptions have pretty much been shut down due to COVID restrictions, but international adoptions have been declining because some countries are not allowing adoption outside of the country and many places are setting up systems to keep babies within their country of birth.

Waiting can be hard on many families.  Waiting for anything is hard for most people.  But waiting to see if someone will pick your family to adopt their child has huge, life-changing ramifications.  Knowing that people are looking at a photo album of your family and choosing a family based off of that can be difficult.  Do our photos look ok?  What can sometimes feel like rejection is hard.  As I talked with the social worker though, we discussed the silver lining is the following:  observing and talking with people who are waiting to adopt is a testimony to how precious all life is.  We need to continue to provide testimony to the preciousness of all life.  Any parent who thinks that a baby with a medical issue or parents who have financial issues should know, it shouldn't be a secret within our little communities, but secular knowledge that there is a potential home for every baby.

Justice On The Acropolis

I had the pleasure of receiving an unanticipated surprise- Justice on the Acropolis by B.B. Gallagher 

My son enjoys other books that are fantasies with moral messages, so I can understand how this fits well in that genre.  This is a book about a little girl named Maggie who has an encounter with a guardian Angel.

My son and I really enjoyed this book.  He also really liked that there were pictures interspersed, so great for kids transitioning to chapter books.  It does a great job at explaining honoring thy father and mother and that we don't have control over what other people do, but we do have control over our reactions.  This is great for kids who have interests in adventure books like the Magic Tree House books, yet this series has a very Catholic foundations.

It was well-written and just like life, did not have a predictable ending.  It did a great job at demonstrating justice and the ends do not justify the means.

"I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to affiliate sites"

A funny Super Bowl Memory....

 I could talk about the time I worked Super Bowl Sunday Night in an animal hospital ER and how it was really busy right before the Super Bowl and then slowed down during it, and all the interesting characters I met. Instead, the Super Bowl memory that recently came to mind for me was from about 10 years ago.  I was living in Tucson, Arizona and my mom and Grandma had come to visit me.  My Grandma had been experiencing some hip pain and some other issues and it all culminated in a visit to the ER on Super Bowl Sunday night.

It had not been the night any of us had wanted, but it was what it was.  Fortunately, the women in my family somewhat defy stereotype and we all wanted to watch the Super Bowl, (I'm not sure who wanted to watch it for the game, the half time show or the ads, or all 3).

So there the three of us were, my Grandma admitted to the hospital in an unfamiliar state, watching the Super Bowl.  It was the strangest human ER experience I ever had.  I could not believe the care and attention my Grandma received.  Someone was popping into her room every few minutes to check on her, offer food, offer water, extra pillows, blankets.  Doctors and nurses were so attentive!  I don't remember who said it, or how we figured it out, but apparently my Grandma's room had become known around the ER by the staff as "the one that has the Super Bowl game on."  So.... if you ever find yourself in an ER on Super Bowl Sunday, make sure to turn the game on, even if you don't watch football.

Tips that are helping me survive parenting during the era of Coronavirus....

While I always suspected that Coronavirus and its restrictions would last longer than the 2 weeks people initially thought to "bend the curve."  I honestly didn't think it would be into 2021 (at least initially).  I know God is giving blessings through this time of grief and struggle.  I know there are silver linings.  I also know people who have lost people.  This time is hard for everyone and in different ways.  My husband and I certainly are not experts on parenting,  or regarding Coronavirus, but I thought I'd share some of the things we have done to try to maintain our sanity, and our kid's.

1) Virtual School- understand that other people if they have lower elementary school kids also think that virtual school could be a hilarious Saturday Night Live skit (if you are not living it).    Allow kids to be squirmy.  My son's teacher even suggested a stool (Kore) that is meant for kids who need to move constantly and it seems to work well for my kid.  He is allowed to squirm and move without being overly distracting.  

2) One silver lining- a lot more time with our famil
y and I mean a lot...  Which sometimes means we drive each other crazy.  Also a time for creativity, although sometimes I feel like I'm living in a Lego store or in the middle of a musical (both my husband and son will break into song randomly), I do appreciate some of these memories.   We do get sick of each other sometimes though, so I think it was around the summer when we discovered we had talked to each other all day and didn't really have anything more to talk about come dinner time, we started listening to audiobooks.  This has been enjoyable and we've been able to share books together.

3) Every time you wash your hands, say a Memorare for those suffering with COVID or struggling during this time.  I'm not sure which Catholic social media I read or saw this idea on, but I'm trying to do it more often and I certainly wash my hands a ton, especially when working.

4) Institute some new routines.  Even though my husband has converted me to the idea of menu planning, we hadn't really had a routine before.  Now I've tried to institute "Taco Tuesday,"  "Movie and Pizza Friday" and "Burgers on Sunday".  Anything that can help conserve a few of my neurons, is helpful and I think routines are good for kids.  In this time when my kid knows everything is up in the air, at least he knows he has some nights where he will have his favorite foods to look forward to.

5) What does neuroscience say?  It says that touch and presence are the most important for helping kids be resilient.  Study after study has shown that kids who've had trauma in their life are more resilient when they experience touch and presence.  Especially during the Spring when everything was new and very stressful, we instituted "family tickle time" at the end of the day.  My son loves to be tickled and we've found his "love language" if you know Gary Chapman's book is touch.  Whether it's tickling or allowing extra time in the day for "cuddle time" we've definitely been emphasizing giving our son this feeling of security.  Playing basketball with my son and making a conscious decision to be present has also helped.

6) Indoor trampoline.  Even though my house is already too cluttered with toys, the indoor trampoline my son got from his grandparents for his birthday has been helpful for everyone.  If the weather is too rough to get outside, it's great exercise and if my kid wants to binge watch "Wild Kratts" or "Lion Guard" I tell him it's fine as long as he is jumping on the trampoline wearing himself out.  To be honest, I've found if I too much anxiety or pent up energy I enjoy jumping my heart out.

7) Talking about feelings.  Sometimes in my job (no, let me be honest, a LOT of the time), I can feel like a psychotherapist, sometimes navigating awkward family situations or explaining that sometimes behavioral problems originate in the home environment.  I've had to bring that awareness home and talk with my son about feelings.  That it's ok to feel sad, anxious, angry, scared.  That it's ok to feel these things and at the same time feel, happy, excited and content.  There are things COVID has taken away from us, but there are also blessings that we have found.  This is certainly difficult for adults to figure out sometimes, so it's something we have to actively talk about.  I also created a punching pillow that we could punch when we got frustrated.  This apparently made an impression on our son as he shared it with his grandma a couple of days later.

8) Celebrate the Feast Days!  Yes, this year we have discovered Saints that we hadn't known about previously because really, whenever you can have an excuse to have a celebration, it's worth it.  While this has contributed to our waistlines, it's also helped us discover more about the pillars of our faith and those who have had heroic virtue before us.  Going along with this, whenever you feel downtrodden about the time we live in, read about St. Catherine of Sienna.  They had a pandemic in her time, as well as political unrest.  Sound familiar?

9) Give grace.  I'm pretty good about giving myself grace, what I've found I really need to work on is giving everyone else grace.  Whether it's my kid who's having a meltdown that I think he's too old to have, or an adult who's having a meltdown (yes, this happens a lot in my career), or it's unsolicited comments about all the ways I'm lacking (whether it's being able to keep all the balls I'm juggling in the air, or the extra pounds I've put on, or the extra alcohol I may have consumed), everyone needs grace.  This does not mean bad behavior is excused (especially for an adult), but it does mean that I need to keep my inner volcano from erupting and maybe bite my tongue, or breathe several long breaths before responding.

God Bless Our Teachers

 God Bless our teachers...

Our teachers have had to creatively deal with many new situations and experiences over the last year.  Sometimes, it’s a kid who forgot to mute and says, “Class never ends on time!  It’s always late”, or it may be kids shooting out emojis at prayer time that challenge teachers. Sometimes, there are awkward comments from kids that the teacher knows are not just overhead by other kids, but by every parent who is in the vicinity of the kid’s computer.   God bless our teachers and principals and school staff.

Sometimes, supervising virtual school I think of how it would be a really good Saturday Night Live skit, if I wasn’t the parent.  There are lessons I’ve been teaching at home about proper zoom contact that I won’t share and embarrass my kid, but just know, I’d love to share in laughter.  I’ve found myself doing and saying things I never could have imagined a year ago.

I’ve been witness to such patience and adaptability, it really gives me hope- for all of us.  Whether it’s technical issues, teaching kids proper use of emojis and backgrounds or ignoring what’s going on in the background, everyone has had to grow in patience.  Kids are experiencing stress from the stresses of their family, the environment and all the pieces of childhood that seem lost.  While adults are well equipped to know, “this too shall pass,” our kids don’t have the same history of experiences to feel with certainty that their “normal” life will return, eventually and maybe with some changes.  The gift of school, routine and relationships outside of the home help them cope.  These gifts also are gifts to the parents as they strive to bring some type of “normalcy” to the household.

There are zoom temper tantrums that it sounds like all of my friends with kids a similar age have to cope with.  For Pete’s sake, I have to deal with adults throwing Covid temper tantrums, so I can totally understand kids are even less equipped.

I’m amazed teachers keep a straight face when they see parents scurrying in the background to find papers, glue or to stop the cat from taking out a Christmas tree...  maybe I should be grateful that everyone kind of appears on a Brady Bunch screen and it’s a little harder to pick out the details.

God Bless Everyone, but this year I’m going to ask for extra blessings on teachers and our school staff...