A Catholic Womans Guide To Relationships

I am putting together a care package for a friend and was torn on whether or not to send "A Catholic Woman's Guide To Relationships" that I had received.  Written by Rose Sweet, this compact book has just been a great companion, and I don't want to give it away!  

Most likely I will end up buying my own copy, because the virtue of charity and letting it be shared is greater than my possessiveness.  This book is easy to read, has great tips and is the nice size to fit into a purse.  I often took it with me to Mass to read prior to the service.  I used the humility prayer as a bookmark and those two forces together were helpful in my spiritual growth.

Rose Sweet writes with wisdom, humor and humility.  She uses personal stories to illustrate points.

There is a table of contents, but I would say the book is not a reference book, it's best to be read in order.  It is composed of 6 parts which are rather sequential.  Nevertheless, I could probably use another go around on the "listening" section.

Standing at the Door- entering the interior world, exploring the mystery and following the master

Listening- learning to listen, hearing with the heart, listening in silence

Leading- understanding your role, using your gifts, letting them fall

Loving- being a gift, adjusting your expectations, respecting their freedom

Letting Go- facing your fears, releasing control, learning to trust

Sitting at the Fire- releasing shame, seeking forgiveness, letting God lead

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to buying another copy to read again.

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Something to be aware of...

 The uncertainty of life, especially with the delta variant has been affecting everyone.

I was talking with a friend of a friend the other day and she was very upset with her veterinarian.  I also have a friend that I talked to as well who expressed frustration with their veterinarian.  I could understand where both were coming from, and there was a myriad of issues.  But some of the issues they had are some many of my clients have as well.  It is difficult to get a hold of a veterinarian now.  One clinic I know of only has three phone lines.  With everything being done over the phone; checking in, checking out, picking up prescriptions, scheduling appointments and trying to go over exam findings, treatment, cost, etc., three phone lines are not enough.  In some circumstances, veterinarians actually go out to the car to talk to people because they could wait for a phone line to open up for 20 minutes or more.  This can make us late for all of our future appointments, besides being frustrating for everyone.

Not only did many people adopt pets during the pandemic, there are a LOT of new pet owners.  People who need help talking through the basic things most experienced pet owners already know.  Things such as, behavior, nutrition, what is normal vs. abnormal behavior.  Sometimes, to do a thorough job, I find myself spending 40 minutes or more talking to people (which is just not realistic when appt times are 20-30 minutes long).

More people are spending more time with their pets and they are noticing more things.  The occasional cough you've been noticing for the past 2-3 years becomes more problematic when you are spending all your time with your pet.  What seemed like the pet coughing once a day may be noticed occurring multiple times an hour.  Add to that all the preventative care and surgeries that were delayed from earlier in the pandemic and you have some very busy veterinary offices.

Emergency rooms across the country are actually closing to new emergencies.  One emergency room I called to transfer a patient actually could not pick up the phone because they were too busy.

This is occurring across the country, and some clinics are scheduling surgeries into October and November.  It's kind of crazy that, at the 12-week puppy visits, I'm telling people to schedule their spay/neuter so we can still do it around 6 months of age.

Add to the above stresses, the workplace shortage is a real thing.  Many clinics are having trouble finding adequate, let alone trained staff.  This is not the time in a stressful environment to be training newbies, but we have to, if we are lucky to find an assistant or veterinary nurse to help.  When I have plenty of staff, I can be very efficient, and work with multiple clients at once.  When I am short-staffed, I can run an hour or more behind by trying to be all things to all people.  While I have no problem doing clerical or technical things (even though most nurses are better than I am at drawing blood); this is not the most efficient use of my time.

In addition, there has been an ongoing mental health crisis in veterinary medicine that many people are unaware of.  We as a profession are trying to figure out why.  Whether it's the people who are attracted to veterinary medicine, the demands of the job, the stress of sky-rocketing student loans greater than human medical students with less professional compensation or the easy access to drugs; we haven't pinpointed it yet.  One study looked at obituaries over 15 years of veterinarians and found that 10% died due to suicide.

We as a profession sometimes have difficulty with setting boundaries.  I told the friend of a friend that while her old veterinarian was happy to come to her home and go out of her way to help her (something that I, in my past have also done), it is not a normal expectation that a veterinarian does that, or is available 24/7.  For our mental health, we need time off, we need boundaries and we need people to understand what is and is not a reasonable expectation.

It is reasonable to expect us to be compassionate.  We take an
oath, we are a profession, not just something we show up and get a paycheck.  We also are imperfect people.  People who are trying to navigate this mess in the same storm as everyone else.  People who sometimes need to say, "No".  "No," I don't want to work another day where I had a 12 hour shift and because of lack of time to drink water and time in general, I haven't been able to get to the restroom for a break or it's been 8 hours since I ate something.  "No," your dog who has been vomiting for 5 days and you haven't contacted us is now a problem for you and you want me to miss my family's weekly pizza and a movie night, rather than go to the ER.

So, just think about these things the next time you get frustrated with someone saying no (and this goes for any profession, including service people and retail workers).  While it may be inconvenient and irritating to you, it could be someone just trying to manage in this crazy world.

Theology of The Home 1 and 2 and Daily Planner

I love the Theology of the Home, Book 1 and 2, that I received, as well as the daily planner.  Theology of the Home, Book 1 is a great "coffee table book" with wonderful pictures and wonderful messages about establishing and growing theology in your home.  Book 2 was more about Catholic feminism and the feminine genius.  I loved how it had examples of women who are at different phases in their life and have different roles in motherhood.  Whether it be a stay at home mom, a part-time or full-time work outside the home mom, an empty nester mom or a single layperson, it seemed to have a little something for everyone.

With beautiful images that could match trendy magazines, this book is great for Catholic women.  While it is visually appealing, it discusses placing importance on God first, and the household will follow.  With various vignettes and short chapters, this book can be read a little at a time.  You don't need a great chunk of time to get a little out of it each day.  This book is a mix of Catholic feminism (definitely different from secular feminism), theology and artistry (great images worthy of any coffee table).

There are lots of great quotes in this book.  One of them that I thought was representative was, "The modern response to this story of dissatisfaction has been that we’ve valued home too much and at too great an expense.  What this diagnosis fails to see is that when home feels like a prison, it’s not because we’ve given it too much importance but because we’ve given it far too little.”

This was a great book and I am actually reluctant to loan it to others because I want to keep it for myself...  I have given additional copies as a gift, and I think it would be great for a new mom or new wife.  I gave it to my Mom and it almost brought me to tears because I see how in living her motherhood, she helped instill in me greater Catholic values than I had realized.





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Upcoming Feast Day!

 What do a beautiful woman who tried to make herself ugly, a poor humble friar, a woman who in loose terms, told the Pope to "man up", a 24 year old handsome young man and a extremely talented artist whose work appears in most major art museums with images of the Rosary and a Saint known as the “Dumb ox” who is a brilliant Doctor of The Church have in common?

Here are some more hints to the question:

1) The group they belong to are well known for their love of wine from the very beginning.  It is said they learned to drink deep from the wine of God’s Word.

 
2) Founded December 22, 1216.  They’ve been around for over 800 years

3) Legend has it that the founder's mother (who is a Blessed) had a dream about a dog leaping from her womb with a torch in its mouth and spreading fire to the Earth.  This may be one of the reasons this group is sometimes referred to as the "Hounds of The Lord"

4) The group is known as the "Order of Preachers"

Why, they are Dominicans of course!  Their names in order of the above description include: St. Rose of Lima, St. Martin dePorres, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Catherine of Siena and Blessed Fra Angelico and St. Thomas Aquinas.  There are well over 300 Saints and Blesseds that belong to the Dominican order. 
 

Who was St. Dominic and how is he relevant today?  Well, I will give you a layperson's "Readers Digest" version of his story.  He was born in the middle ages, in times of great turmoil, when Spain and Europe were being overtaken and there were wars and more wars between Christian Europe and Muslims, the time known as the Crusades.

St. Dominic didn't fight those battles though.  Instead, he fought against the Albigensian heresy.   Now the following is an oversimplification,  but let me go ahead and phrase it in the following way.  The Albigensian heretics were people who thought: "Spirit good, body bad."  While you can probably figure out that there are some religious groups today that believe that, the ones who think the body is where all sin comes from and people don't have control over what their body does, etc. as well as those who rationalize that whatever the body does/decisions it makes it doesn't matter because the spirit is good and has no control over the body (could be a comparison to some New Age beliefs).  Today, in our society one could argue there is another type of Albigensian heresy where instead of just the spirit mattering and not the body, the opposite is true.  Who cares about the spirit and just do what the body says because there is no spirit and we just live in the now.  Catholic teaching teaches that; Jesus came to us as divine God and Man, Son of Mary, so thus, he redeemed us both body AND soul.  This has so many implications.

St. Dominic didn't fight this heresy on the battlefield, he fought it in taverns and on the street, wandering through Europe, teaching, listening and instructing and he calls his followers to do the same.  Dominicans search for Truth, they search by academic study, conversation and more.  Their 4 pillars include Prayer, Common Life, Study and Preaching and this is how they divide their days.  Dominicans can be Priests, Sisters, Friars and Lay people (meaning just like you and me, I am a Lay Dominican, as a matter of fact).

I once heard a joke where a priest said he wanted to "live like a Jesuit and die like a Dominican".  Well, I won't comment on the Jesuit part, but the Dominican part may be because the Dominicans, "look after their own" and many others of course.  A Dominican charism is to daily pray for their deceased Dominicans and St. Dominic actually told his friars that he would "do far more for them when he died than he did when he was alive."  There are MANY wonderful books much more scholarly than I am who share oodles of information about St. Dominic.  Please consider reading them.  There's also a great podcast on Catholic Answers Focus which is a great interview with Kevin Vost, a Dominican biographer.    

Hopefully this blog has lit a small fire to your desire to learn more about St. Dominic and Dominicans!  Happy Feast of St. Dominic!

"Mommy, How's Your Bucket?"

 It had been a long week...  My son had heard me talking with my husband about how I was doing.  How the leaky, unable to move faucet was putting a hole in my bucket.  How a lot of different frustrations, such as going to the DMV and waiting with non-socially distanced people and a disinterested bureaucrat had put another hole in my bucket.  How my bucket was about ready to tip over because I came home to find everything I had just tidied up the day before out across our floor again.

In our house we use the "bucket" analogy which I believe we read about in Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages book".  Everyone has a "bucket". This is kind of your reservoir of patience, love and happiness.  My son realizes annoying or hurtful things empty your bucket, while things that give you joy fill your bucket.  He realizes if mommy has an empty bucket it is probably time to either give me some space, give me a hug, or let me go for a walk before he asks for help with something.  I have also found if I'm going to respond in impatience to any one in my family, I can just say, "I have an empty bucket" and they get the message.

At the end of this long week, my husband and I were trying to invest in my son's "bucket" by doing a family tickle war.  My son's language is touch, so tickling or cuddling fills his bucket.  My husband has a pretty small bucket to fill, so I guess I'm kind of lucky on that front; however, his bucket is only filled by acts of service, like me doing housework (definitely not bucket-filling for me).  We hadn't recently talked about all this, but as our tickle war was getting ready to start, my son asked me, "Mommy, how's your bucket?".  I smiled and looked at him.  "My bucket is full- playing with you today, snuggling with you this morning and taking this time together as a family has helped me fill my bucket today, thank you."  My son smiled and said, "I'm so happy you are happy."  I hadn't really realized that my son had been paying attention to all the times my husband and I have referenced the bucket but my son had picked up on it.  Sometimes we need to pay attention to our buckets.  With a full bucket, it overflows into those around us.  While it's not a analogy that uses a lot of terms of faith, I think it's a great way to explain taking care of yourself and others to kids.