"Mommy, How's Your Bucket?"

 It had been a long week...  My son had heard me talking with my husband about how I was doing.  How the leaky, unable to move faucet was putting a hole in my bucket.  How a lot of different frustrations, such as going to the DMV and waiting with non-socially distanced people and a disinterested bureaucrat had put another hole in my bucket.  How my bucket was about ready to tip over because I came home to find everything I had just tidied up the day before out across our floor again.

In our house we use the "bucket" analogy which I believe we read about in Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages book".  Everyone has a "bucket". This is kind of your reservoir of patience, love and happiness.  My son realizes annoying or hurtful things empty your bucket, while things that give you joy fill your bucket.  He realizes if mommy has an empty bucket it is probably time to either give me some space, give me a hug, or let me go for a walk before he asks for help with something.  I have also found if I'm going to respond in impatience to any one in my family, I can just say, "I have an empty bucket" and they get the message.

At the end of this long week, my husband and I were trying to invest in my son's "bucket" by doing a family tickle war.  My son's language is touch, so tickling or cuddling fills his bucket.  My husband has a pretty small bucket to fill, so I guess I'm kind of lucky on that front; however, his bucket is only filled by acts of service, like me doing housework (definitely not bucket-filling for me).  We hadn't recently talked about all this, but as our tickle war was getting ready to start, my son asked me, "Mommy, how's your bucket?".  I smiled and looked at him.  "My bucket is full- playing with you today, snuggling with you this morning and taking this time together as a family has helped me fill my bucket today, thank you."  My son smiled and said, "I'm so happy you are happy."  I hadn't really realized that my son had been paying attention to all the times my husband and I have referenced the bucket but my son had picked up on it.  Sometimes we need to pay attention to our buckets.  With a full bucket, it overflows into those around us.  While it's not a analogy that uses a lot of terms of faith, I think it's a great way to explain taking care of yourself and others to kids.

As of August 1st

 Any regular subscribers to my blog will no longer receive e-mails when a new blogpost is posted; please do check back on Tuesdays and Fridays as I am trying to get back into the regular schedule of blogs.  It has been a long year for everyone, and attempting to get back to normal is a definite goal!  I will probably be doing Friday book reviews : )

Silver lining of waiting for adoption

 I was talking with a social worker the other day.  Many people do not realize that many adoption agencies have so many people waiting to adopt, they aren't allowing new prospective families.  There are also many families who are willing and enthusiastic to adopt babies with special needs, whether that means drug exposure or chromosomal abnormalities.

An average "wait time" in our area for a baby to adopt is over two years.  While there are many kids in the foster system, some jurisdictions do not allow foster parents to bring kids to church with them and for families that already have kids, it could expose those kids to situations and language that it would be best to protect them from.  So we are in a current situation where
many kids need foster families and many potential families want to adopt.

International adoptions have pretty much been shut down due to COVID restrictions, but international adoptions have been declining because some countries are not allowing adoption outside of the country and many places are setting up systems to keep babies within their country of birth.

Waiting can be hard on many families.  Waiting for anything is hard for most people.  But waiting to see if someone will pick your family to adopt their child has huge, life-changing ramifications.  Knowing that people are looking at a photo album of your family and choosing a family based off of that can be difficult.  Do our photos look ok?  What can sometimes feel like rejection is hard.  As I talked with the social worker though, we discussed the silver lining is the following:  observing and talking with people who are waiting to adopt is a testimony to how precious all life is.  We need to continue to provide testimony to the preciousness of all life.  Any parent who thinks that a baby with a medical issue or parents who have financial issues should know, it shouldn't be a secret within our little communities, but secular knowledge that there is a potential home for every baby.

Justice On The Acropolis

I had the pleasure of receiving an unanticipated surprise- Justice on the Acropolis by B.B. Gallagher 

My son enjoys other books that are fantasies with moral messages, so I can understand how this fits well in that genre.  This is a book about a little girl named Maggie who has an encounter with a guardian Angel.

My son and I really enjoyed this book.  He also really liked that there were pictures interspersed, so great for kids transitioning to chapter books.  It does a great job at explaining honoring thy father and mother and that we don't have control over what other people do, but we do have control over our reactions.  This is great for kids who have interests in adventure books like the Magic Tree House books, yet this series has a very Catholic foundations.

It was well-written and just like life, did not have a predictable ending.  It did a great job at demonstrating justice and the ends do not justify the means.

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A funny Super Bowl Memory....

 I could talk about the time I worked Super Bowl Sunday Night in an animal hospital ER and how it was really busy right before the Super Bowl and then slowed down during it, and all the interesting characters I met. Instead, the Super Bowl memory that recently came to mind for me was from about 10 years ago.  I was living in Tucson, Arizona and my mom and Grandma had come to visit me.  My Grandma had been experiencing some hip pain and some other issues and it all culminated in a visit to the ER on Super Bowl Sunday night.

It had not been the night any of us had wanted, but it was what it was.  Fortunately, the women in my family somewhat defy stereotype and we all wanted to watch the Super Bowl, (I'm not sure who wanted to watch it for the game, the half time show or the ads, or all 3).

So there the three of us were, my Grandma admitted to the hospital in an unfamiliar state, watching the Super Bowl.  It was the strangest human ER experience I ever had.  I could not believe the care and attention my Grandma received.  Someone was popping into her room every few minutes to check on her, offer food, offer water, extra pillows, blankets.  Doctors and nurses were so attentive!  I don't remember who said it, or how we figured it out, but apparently my Grandma's room had become known around the ER by the staff as "the one that has the Super Bowl game on."  So.... if you ever find yourself in an ER on Super Bowl Sunday, make sure to turn the game on, even if you don't watch football.

Tips that are helping me survive parenting during the era of Coronavirus....

While I always suspected that Coronavirus and its restrictions would last longer than the 2 weeks people initially thought to "bend the curve."  I honestly didn't think it would be into 2021 (at least initially).  I know God is giving blessings through this time of grief and struggle.  I know there are silver linings.  I also know people who have lost people.  This time is hard for everyone and in different ways.  My husband and I certainly are not experts on parenting,  or regarding Coronavirus, but I thought I'd share some of the things we have done to try to maintain our sanity, and our kid's.

1) Virtual School- understand that other people if they have lower elementary school kids also think that virtual school could be a hilarious Saturday Night Live skit (if you are not living it).    Allow kids to be squirmy.  My son's teacher even suggested a stool (Kore) that is meant for kids who need to move constantly and it seems to work well for my kid.  He is allowed to squirm and move without being overly distracting.  

2) One silver lining- a lot more time with our famil
y and I mean a lot...  Which sometimes means we drive each other crazy.  Also a time for creativity, although sometimes I feel like I'm living in a Lego store or in the middle of a musical (both my husband and son will break into song randomly), I do appreciate some of these memories.   We do get sick of each other sometimes though, so I think it was around the summer when we discovered we had talked to each other all day and didn't really have anything more to talk about come dinner time, we started listening to audiobooks.  This has been enjoyable and we've been able to share books together.

3) Every time you wash your hands, say a Memorare for those suffering with COVID or struggling during this time.  I'm not sure which Catholic social media I read or saw this idea on, but I'm trying to do it more often and I certainly wash my hands a ton, especially when working.

4) Institute some new routines.  Even though my husband has converted me to the idea of menu planning, we hadn't really had a routine before.  Now I've tried to institute "Taco Tuesday,"  "Movie and Pizza Friday" and "Burgers on Sunday".  Anything that can help conserve a few of my neurons, is helpful and I think routines are good for kids.  In this time when my kid knows everything is up in the air, at least he knows he has some nights where he will have his favorite foods to look forward to.

5) What does neuroscience say?  It says that touch and presence are the most important for helping kids be resilient.  Study after study has shown that kids who've had trauma in their life are more resilient when they experience touch and presence.  Especially during the Spring when everything was new and very stressful, we instituted "family tickle time" at the end of the day.  My son loves to be tickled and we've found his "love language" if you know Gary Chapman's book is touch.  Whether it's tickling or allowing extra time in the day for "cuddle time" we've definitely been emphasizing giving our son this feeling of security.  Playing basketball with my son and making a conscious decision to be present has also helped.

6) Indoor trampoline.  Even though my house is already too cluttered with toys, the indoor trampoline my son got from his grandparents for his birthday has been helpful for everyone.  If the weather is too rough to get outside, it's great exercise and if my kid wants to binge watch "Wild Kratts" or "Lion Guard" I tell him it's fine as long as he is jumping on the trampoline wearing himself out.  To be honest, I've found if I too much anxiety or pent up energy I enjoy jumping my heart out.

7) Talking about feelings.  Sometimes in my job (no, let me be honest, a LOT of the time), I can feel like a psychotherapist, sometimes navigating awkward family situations or explaining that sometimes behavioral problems originate in the home environment.  I've had to bring that awareness home and talk with my son about feelings.  That it's ok to feel sad, anxious, angry, scared.  That it's ok to feel these things and at the same time feel, happy, excited and content.  There are things COVID has taken away from us, but there are also blessings that we have found.  This is certainly difficult for adults to figure out sometimes, so it's something we have to actively talk about.  I also created a punching pillow that we could punch when we got frustrated.  This apparently made an impression on our son as he shared it with his grandma a couple of days later.

8) Celebrate the Feast Days!  Yes, this year we have discovered Saints that we hadn't known about previously because really, whenever you can have an excuse to have a celebration, it's worth it.  While this has contributed to our waistlines, it's also helped us discover more about the pillars of our faith and those who have had heroic virtue before us.  Going along with this, whenever you feel downtrodden about the time we live in, read about St. Catherine of Sienna.  They had a pandemic in her time, as well as political unrest.  Sound familiar?

9) Give grace.  I'm pretty good about giving myself grace, what I've found I really need to work on is giving everyone else grace.  Whether it's my kid who's having a meltdown that I think he's too old to have, or an adult who's having a meltdown (yes, this happens a lot in my career), or it's unsolicited comments about all the ways I'm lacking (whether it's being able to keep all the balls I'm juggling in the air, or the extra pounds I've put on, or the extra alcohol I may have consumed), everyone needs grace.  This does not mean bad behavior is excused (especially for an adult), but it does mean that I need to keep my inner volcano from erupting and maybe bite my tongue, or breathe several long breaths before responding.

God Bless Our Teachers

 God Bless our teachers...

Our teachers have had to creatively deal with many new situations and experiences over the last year.  Sometimes, it’s a kid who forgot to mute and says, “Class never ends on time!  It’s always late”, or it may be kids shooting out emojis at prayer time that challenge teachers. Sometimes, there are awkward comments from kids that the teacher knows are not just overhead by other kids, but by every parent who is in the vicinity of the kid’s computer.   God bless our teachers and principals and school staff.

Sometimes, supervising virtual school I think of how it would be a really good Saturday Night Live skit, if I wasn’t the parent.  There are lessons I’ve been teaching at home about proper zoom contact that I won’t share and embarrass my kid, but just know, I’d love to share in laughter.  I’ve found myself doing and saying things I never could have imagined a year ago.

I’ve been witness to such patience and adaptability, it really gives me hope- for all of us.  Whether it’s technical issues, teaching kids proper use of emojis and backgrounds or ignoring what’s going on in the background, everyone has had to grow in patience.  Kids are experiencing stress from the stresses of their family, the environment and all the pieces of childhood that seem lost.  While adults are well equipped to know, “this too shall pass,” our kids don’t have the same history of experiences to feel with certainty that their “normal” life will return, eventually and maybe with some changes.  The gift of school, routine and relationships outside of the home help them cope.  These gifts also are gifts to the parents as they strive to bring some type of “normalcy” to the household.

There are zoom temper tantrums that it sounds like all of my friends with kids a similar age have to cope with.  For Pete’s sake, I have to deal with adults throwing Covid temper tantrums, so I can totally understand kids are even less equipped.

I’m amazed teachers keep a straight face when they see parents scurrying in the background to find papers, glue or to stop the cat from taking out a Christmas tree...  maybe I should be grateful that everyone kind of appears on a Brady Bunch screen and it’s a little harder to pick out the details.

God Bless Everyone, but this year I’m going to ask for extra blessings on teachers and our school staff...