Joy in Frustration....

I've been working on a big project for a little bit since I finished my last major project.  My husband and I have been pretty much in crisis management mode since December.  First, a major pipe broke under our house in late November and we've just been going from thing to thing since then.

It was the adoption stuff, then it was my sons birthday, then it was work stuff, then it was getting my licensing stuff done (Kind of silly that I had to fill out a license for something I don't do, in a place I don't work and the form just involved me filling out seven 0's on all the fields that weren't applicable to me).  Regulations just don't make sense.  Then it's been several long days of work as we are fortunate enough that I'm able to take the summer mostly off with my son.

Being off with my son doesn't mean I won't have anything to do; it just means he doesn't get stuck going to Summer Camp for 3 months.  Sometimes going to work seems like a vacation from everything we do (we did quite a walk up a hill last week that my Dad who was with us swore was 3 miles but it was really a mile) just to get free ice cream.  The things we do for summer fun...  My dad in his usual mode said, "I could have just bought an ice cream".  I tried to point out to him, "But it's better when you work for it."  I think my 6 year old and his grandpa were kind of in the same camp.  It's ice cream- whether you work for it or not.

Anyways- the newest thing I'm working on involves me using computer skills I don't have on a old computer that has no space left.  This involves going through 30,000 unread e-mails and trying to clean it out.  Although I don't have time for this, and it's exercising all the patience I can muster, there has been some good.

My son is happy that he gets to just play at home.  He has coined a new phrase, "House Overwhelmed" which apparently means he's spending too much time away from home doing errands and other stuff.  He's a lot like I was when I was a kid and values hours of independent play where he makes up whole stories about his sports figures.  Good for him.

I also have been going down memory lane by cleaning out the e-mails and that has been sentimental. I'm still stuck in my emails from 2015.  There are some that I'm not sure if I responded to and a couple that I just responded to now, 4 years later.  That's what friends are for... Being understanding it could take you 4 years to respond.  Well, wish me luck as I try to navigate technology and am officially feeling like there's no way I'm a millennial.

Parenting with the Beatitudes

Parenting with the Beatitudes: Eight Holy Habits for Daily Living by Jeannie and Ben Ewing is an accessible way to grow in virtue as a family.

It's a good book for reading a little bit each night with your spouse.  Being written by a husband/wife team, it's helpful as it covers both perspectives.  I have enjoyed Jeannie's writing in the past, but it was refreshing to hear Ben's perspective, I think as my husband and I read it we found "both sides of the story" well-represented.

Each chapter focuses on one of the eight Beatitudes.  There is then a section in Jeannie's voice and then one in Ben's voice, followed by a section on either St. Joseph or Mary as they lived that Beatitude.  There is then a section on how to bring that virtue into the home, followed by an action plan, which details age-specific suggestions.  This would be a great work if parents ever had a chance to get together in a book study group.  I might consider discussing just over dinner with friends.  It's very accessible and easy to read.

I enjoyed the section on "needs vs. desires".  I think it is easy for us to blur the lines between the two. Ben Ewing had a good example of "thirsting" for righteousness and that it's far more difficult to desire God's righteousness.  He gave the example of "thirsting" for an impatient driver to get a speeding ticket and having a smug sense of satisfaction, not knowing that it was a parent who was hurrying with their child to the emergency room.  We don't have the knowledge to be judge and jury.

Parenting with the Beatitudes would be a great book for new parents, but also for those who feel they are in the rut or "too busy" phase of parenting.  Full of suggestions and helpful insights, it was a pleasure to read. The book is well organized, with commentaries by both authors.  At only around 150 pages, it is a manageable read.
 


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Wouldn't we all like loud answers to prayer?

It all started with some severe storms we had a week ago.  I try to teach storm awareness to my five year old son.  Coming from a region where tornadoes were frequent, yet being married to a man from Florida (who didn't have a basement), it's is a topic we discuss.  It's a hard line between awareness and fear.  I try to prepare my son for what the proper actions are, but not to scare him too much.  I have actually seen with my eyes a tornado before- while I was driving and a water-spout (tornado on water) when I was on a cruise ship.  Weather can be both majestic and fear-provoking.

As I had my son grab our dog and I grabbed the cat, and we all went to the lower level of our house when the tornado warning went off on my phone, I was worried about the practical (turning on the local TV channel, minimizing hazards, etc.).  My son got down on his knees and promptly prayed to God out loud for the tornado to go away.  On one hand I was very proud of him and a little ashamed that prayer wasn't my first response.  On the other hand, it's kind of a hard walk to promote prayer and yet let him know that even if our prayers aren't directly answered, it's not that God's not there.  It's not that God's not listening.  Fortunately, there was just a potential for a tornado and no damage was done and everyone was ok.  My son concluded this was a direct answer to his prayer.

I think he was becoming more aware of the power of prayer as we have been listening to many stories about the saints.  Between St. Joan of Arc, St. Maximilian Kolbe and St. Rose of Lima turning pirates away, my son has quite an awareness of miraculous happenings and awesome prayer warriors.

A couple of days later, we were at the dinner table and my son mentioned, "I'm not sure God is listening to me."  We tried to reassure him that God does listen to him.  He doesn't always answer us, or answer us in the way we'd like.  My son said, "Well I don't hear anything at all.  He's supposed to talk, right?"  We tried to tell him that while some prophets and saints and others have directly heard God's voice, it's pretty unusual.  I told him I'd never heard God's voice, but I've felt his presence.  My husband gave an example of a time where he was in prayer and he felt the presence of someone/something clasping his hands in prayer.  The supernatural is pretty uncommon we tried to explain.  I told him that when I was discerning whether I should become a religious sister or a mommy, I was led to the answer by spending time with the Eucharist and feeling peace with my decision.

We tried to explain that listening is not just done with our ears, but with our heart and faith.  My husband and I looked at each other and said, "even grown-ups have difficulty learning how to listen to God."

I truly believe that sharing the lives of the Saints and the mysteries of our faith with our son is the correct thing to do.  Sometimes, it might make him think that the miraculous and unusual are expectations he should have.  I'm not sure I should totally quash these expectations.  While we should prepare our children for reality, I don't think we should minimize or rule out the possibility of extraordinary events.

It also reminded me how when I was puzzling over some things going on with the Church, I kind of threw up my hands and said, "I'm no Catherine of Siena, I have no prayer life like she did and I'm just a mom and veterinarian who's trying to do her best."  I don't have the expectation of miracles in my life or of God directly speaking to me.  Sometimes I'm content with good enough.  Perhaps my son reminding me of the largeness and greatness of God and large expectations is something I should be a little more open to.  Yes, becoming a canonized saint is unlikely for most of us.  But we are still called to aspire to that.

A marathon

I ran a marathon about 8 years ago.  It had always been on my bucket list, and at the time, I didn't have a spouse or kids and thought, "I'm not getting any younger, so why not?"  My relationship with running hasn't been an easy one.  My mom reminded me that when I was in high school I was told by a doctor that due to some gross motor issues it was, "physiologically impossible" for me to run.  I've had other setbacks too.  A fractured leg that didn't heal, other medical issues.  But for anyone who knows me- I'm pretty stubborn, it's hard for me to take no for an answer.

That marathon was when I was waiting to meet my future spouse.  Now my husband and I are in the adoption process, which could take a few weeks, to a few years.  He actually didn't flinch when I told him, "I think I should run another marathon."  My mom and a couple other people think I'm borderline insane to train for another 26 mile race.  I told them that doing this was going to help keep me from going insane in this next process of waiting; this time to hopefully add another member to our family.

I certainly didn't train for that first marathon to "win".  I was going to be happy to finish.  At that time, I thought I'd probably never run another marathon.  Taking multiple hours out of a day to run, being tired all the time (I did meet my future husband during this time and he hoped that my weariness had to do with all my training and not my personality).  I thought that doing the marathon was selfish and somewhat self-centered.  I see it slightly differently now and I can see definite parallels between running a marathon, parenting and the spiritual life.

With all the running I did and am about to do now, it definitely allowed me time to say some extra rosaries, to meditate and just be present in the beauty of God's creation.  It also puts you in touch with   your physicality- your limits and the wonders of how far you can push this body that the Lord gave you.

Sometimes when I'm in the midst of parenting difficulties, I remind myself, "this is not a sprint, this is the long haul.  This is just a little hill I have to get up; if I have to slow down, focus my breath and get back on track, that's ok.  This is not a sprint."  Definitely the sleepless nights when our son was little reminded me how amazing God has made our bodies; they really are resilient, and one day, we would recover our sleep.  Training for the marathon and life with my sleepless baby are probably the closest I've gotten to trying to join in the Passion of Jesus.  I know it is no where close to the suffering our Lord suffered, but they did allow me to feel a little closer to carrying the Cross.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

I think what I've really realized more lately is how maybe training for this marathon is not as selfish and self-centered as I originally thought.  Whether it be spiritually or as a parent; we all need to lean on each other.  One of the papers we had to fill out in our mountains of paperwork was a list of people we could call on if we needed a break.  Friends who would bring meals, or allow us to get a shower if we were having a difficult run.  Whether it's my 5 year old helping me run sprints, or my husband dealing with me leaving early in the morning, or working out late at night and making schedule adjustments for training, we really are called to allow others to help us.  In a society that values self-sufficiency, especially in motherhood at a premium, often we should actually experience being on our knees.  Some look at marathons as the ultimate in individuality and self sufficiency.  Parenthood, my faith, and perhaps a little wisdom are allowing me to see the opposite is true.

One example of this was over the weekend when we took a short family vacation.  I needed to do a long run.  So I briefly split from my family to run around the area we were staying.  My son was actually totally excited to have me leave and have Daddy to himself.  We value together time as a family and if my son could have the 3 of us together all the time, that would be his ideal world, but it's also really healthy for him to have father/son time.

Image by Mario Berger from Pixabay 

Sometimes a step back from things allows us to get a fuller perspective.  Retreats are wonderful.  It's a little harder for me to have a full weekend to go on retreat.  But running, especially long distances helps me to remember that I have to rely on God and His community, the church.  We all have difficulties, even as a greater community.  Sometimes there are frustrations.  Sometimes we trip.  Sometimes we fall, get blisters, experience setbacks.  Sometimes we even hit the wall (this is actually a real phenomonon, this happened at mile 18 for me).  Sometimes it's so tough that you can't even think of how far you have ahead.  You just got to break it up- first; let me get to the next tree, then the next tree.  Let me remember all the people who sacrificed for me to help make this happen.  Lord, just be with me.

Whether you run a marathon with your feet, your heart or your faith.  May you know that you are never alone.  May you know that you can "do all things in Christ who strengthens me"  Phillipians 4

My Birthday

I just had my birthday and my son made sure to tell the whole school I was 39 and was going to be 40 next year.  My husband thought this was hilarious.  Until I reminded my son that his daddy was going to be in his "mid-forties" next year....

My son was so excited to see me open my birthday presents it almost made me feel like a kid again.  Maybe because for some things (such as umbrella and Legos I could build with my son) we both have the same taste : )

I would have to say one of my best birthday gifts though was seeing within 1 hour the cherry blossom tree in front of our house going from one blossom to hundreds.  Literally in the course of an hour and a half.  Next year I should try to get a time-lapse camera to watch.  Enjoy Spring!

Adoption Madness... Part 1

Sorry again for not posting in some time.  My husband and I have been embarking on the adoption process.  It's kind of been a combination mad dash/ time of snafoos that sometimes make me feel like I'm living in a sitcom.  I will do the following blog as a 3 part series.

About 2 or 3 years ago, my husband and I considered fostering a child.  For a variety of reasons, mostly revolving around what would be best for the child that we do have, we thought that wasn't a good choice at least at this time.  Both my husband and I would definitely consider it in the future, especially when any children we have are older.

My husband and I had done a lot of talking back then, and we knew that it was not most important for us to have a biological child, it was most important for us to do God's will, and to have a larger family.  Our decision to pursue adoption was not impulsive, but the logistics of getting everything together and actually doing it was pretty rapid.

We had to get our application in before the end of 2018 to lock in 2018 prices, which, when you're talking about something like adoption fees is pretty significant.  Then, we were supposed to get everything done within the next 3 months.

There's a lot of stuff to get done, plus 30+ hours of training and book reports.  I hadn't thought I'd ever be doing a book report again, but I almost started to feel like I was back in veterinary school.  Plus, there's normal life, my husband and I having a busy work schedule and all the other things we have going on.

The classes were interesting and helpful and my husband and I actually tried to make "date time" out of some of them.  We were also fortunate to have good friends help with some of the babysitting because we couldn't take our son to the classes with us.  Some of the things we needed to do to get our house ready for inspection were things we really should have done anyways, but now had a reason to do it.

We actually went on a shredding party and were able to fill up at least 6 extra large boxes with shredded papers; including documents from before we were married and even before I had moved to this area.  All stuff that we had always wanted to do, but just hadn't had the time to get around to became a priority.

Cleaning and organizing the house had already been important to me, but took on new meaning when the thought of a home inspection loomed.

There were doctors appointments, TB tests, drug tests, background checks, pretty much everything you could think of to ensure that any children would be safe and protected in the future.

The funny thing is; the hardest part of this whole process was actually the home inspection and fire safety.  Not an issue either my husband or I thought would be hard.....  Read on for Part 2

Lent is Here....

It's interesting how your perspective of Lent can change as you grow older.

When I was young, it was a time when I realized I would have to give something up.  It was somewhat akin to drudgery.  No meat on Fridays, and give up something cherished.  When I was a little girl, I used to come home from school and play with my Legos for several hours a day.  I think this was somewhat my introverts response to processing what happened during the day and I can see my son does something similar to this now.  I remember in an effort at piety, I offered to give up playing with my Legos.  My teacher, said Legos weren't a sacrifice, I should give up dolls.  Little did she know me.

Lent, and how we embark on it, is very personal and everyone is called to give up different things, add different things and tailor their journey to their own spiritual life.  My husband and I try to do some things together, both so we grow on this journey together and also it can be logistically easier (if one person is giving up meat, and the other is giving up gluten and dairy, it can be difficult for meal planning).  I had briefly looked into the fasting traditions of the Eastern Rite and I must admit I was a bit in awe of the sacrifice.  I think I will try to take some steps toward fasting and abstinence like they do, but without going all the way.  I think for me as an individual it could be a slippery slope to pride.

My son yesterday when we were discussing Lent said he wanted to do something different (he is only 5).  The Lents he remembers, we always give up dessert.  He offered to give up TV.  As I spoke with him to see if that was really what he wanted to do, he told me "40 days is a week, right?  I've given TV up for a week before..."  While I appreciated that he was willing to sacrifice a little "bigger" than his typical, we discussed that 40 days is a lot more than a week, it's closer to 6 weeks.  He paused and then said, "I'm giving up dessert again."

My most successful Lenten journeys though have been when my husband and I have given up TV, devices, or listening to the news on the radio.  We embarked on having more nights together talking, reading and listening to Catholic podcasts.  There really is something to be said about, "You are what you listen to and watch."  Some of these habits have even continued outside of Lent.

As you embark on your Lenten journey, don't be afraid to shake it up a bit.  It's easy to fall into, "this is what I give up every year."  Listen to God's voice and allow his purification in your life.  Remember, he also gives us Grace.  Don't give up.  Persevere.  Remember He is walking with you.  It is pleasing to Him that you are trying.  He calls us to be Faithful, not perfect.