Another Reminder to Choose Kind

 We never know what other people are dealing with, or the struggles they have.  I try to keep this in mind when people seem abrupt or rude or have an inappropriate response.  Sometimes, I'll find out later that someone is in the hospital or they have another worry on their plate, and I'm content that I chose kind, rather than to respond in-kind.

I've always known I can be more sensitive to criticism than others.  Sometimes, this has served me well.  I can become hyper vigilant and hard on myself.  Not always the best for mental health, but it has helped me succeed professionally and keep me motivated.  I still recall a time in my internship year when I made a mistake.  It was a pretty obvious, thoughtless mistake and I was ready for the technician who shamed everyone (to the point that I'm pretty sure Human Resources would have had a big file on her if they knew) to shame me.  I asked her why she didn't come down on me.  She answered simply, "because I know you will be far harder on yourself than I would."   

I have more recently found out that my reaction to criticism has something to do with my neurochemistry.  I have ADHD, and the biggest burden I seem to bear with it is the sensitivity to rejection.  This is actually something that a lot of people with ADHD have to deal with, but it was good for me to put a name to it.  It only took me 42 years.  The hard thing about this is it can cause you to withdraw from people who seem to hurt you, it can cause you to run away from those social situations, or it can cause you to "try too hard" and make yourself subject to more criticism.

While it is the most painful part of dealing with ADHD, I also see how it has worked for good in my life.  I am very empathetic, that has served me well professionally and personally, by being compassionate to others.

Fortunately, I have learned from working with young people professionally to not over-criticize.  There was a great catholicmom.com article recently about not pulling up the wheat with the weeds.  It talks about the Gospel of Matthew and how the landowner knows the great risk of pulling up the wheat with the weeds.  If we are hyper vigilant about picking out the weeds in others and our children, we may pull up or injure the wheat.  We are to be wise and gentle.

While I still experience pain from those who are not wise and gentle in my life (especially people who have difficulty apologizing), I am better able to put it in perspective and to try to let go.  I still have difficulty with being sensitive to criticism, it is apparently the cross I bear in this life and I am slowly learning how to offer it up and to remember that others do not necessarily have the same empathy that I have.  I can only hope that my parenting is wise and gentle and I allow the wheat to grow.