Little Girl at Mall Playground

A while ago, I had an interesting experience.  One of those where you just sit back and watch something unfold.  There's always a line between being a helicopter parent who hovers and prods and over-manages and a parent who is disinterested and doesn't give the child the attention they need.  Currently we are going through a phase of problem solving in this stage of my son growing up where it's difficult to walk the line between protecting his feelings and allowing him to mature as a person and come to awareness that sometimes in life there are difficult people and you have to learn how to deal with them.

As I was watching my son climbing (I like to silently watch him interact and try not to get distracted by my cell phone; they say so many playground injuries are increasing because parents are pre-occupied with their phones) and I saw my son get on to a piece of equipment and he didn't realize another girl was on it at the same time, and that she had been there first.

Instead of reacting how most children would, verbalizing and trying to persuade the other party to do what is right, this child began screaming- screaming very loudly and trying to push my son off.  My son kind of froze in mid-air.  I don't think he had ever heard any one scream like this girl did.

My son was alarmed by her screaming.  I cuddled my son and said, "You shouldn't try to climb on the playground at the same time as someone else, but she shouldn't have screamed at you- that's how you lose friends."

On one hand I wanted to pull the girl aside and let her know how she behaved wasn't ok either.  I wasn't worried about taking on her mom/caretaker, but I looked at her with pity.  I knew from watching her behave for a couple of minutes, that she was on the way to being a brat and there wasn't much I could do about it.  I also noticed that her parent/caretaker was oblivious to her.

I didn't want to teach my son that mommy has to fight his battles either.   I gave him love and wished someone would give that little girl the love and attention she needed, for as I told my son, if you go around behaving like that- you won't have friends.

My son is in a stage right now where he's learning that sometimes people wrong you, sometimes they don't apologize and sometimes you have to forgive.  Forgiveness is a difficult thing for most people, adults included.  Sometimes it's easy to have anxiety as a parent.  You worry that the little bumps and bruises, the slights and the "emotional trauma" that our kids experience could go on to scar them for life.

I look at my son and I see a kind, empathetic soul, maybe a little sensitive, just like I was when I was little.  I think, while lot's of times the bruises and bumps they get as kids make them tougher, I think it hurts us parents almost as much as it hurts them.  Sometimes it's easy to over react, but I think the most important thing I can do through these things as a parent is just be there.  Be there to listen, be there to hug, be there to be told, "I don't want you standing next to me I can do it myself".  Because even when kids say that, they look back.  They look to see you, to know you are there.  To know you are present.  That's the most important thing I remember from my childhood; may I continue to remember to pass it on.
 Presence.