Over this summer we have had more struggles with him behaving at Mass. Whether it's him trying to exert control, just all the changes in routines, or what, I don't know. At some points with what he says, I'm worried he's a budding Atheist. But then I remind myself he's just 5 and he'll use any excuse he can come up with to get his way.
My husband and I tried to do everything we could think of to get him to behave. Sitting up front was helpful for a while, but then he just started misbehaving sitting up front, which isn't helpful for ANYONE at Mass. Then if he misbehaved we told him we had to sit in back. That doesn't help either. We know changing his schedule, like going to a later Mass or a Saturday night Mass normally didn't go well. We gave him mercy in those situations because we knew that being tired/hungry or just off schedule isn't his fault.
Some books sometimes helped, like the book I previously reviewed here :
Some books we've gotten, such as Bibles and Mass guides used to be helpful, but have become more of a hindrance now that he wants us to read them to him during Mass.
It's sometimes hard when adults talk during Mass and my son witnesses this. I actually once spoke to an adult about this and she was receptive, understanding it's hard to teach a kid that there are rules when other people violate them. It's hard for me to pay attention during Mass, sometimes I have to close my eyes to focus and sometimes simple things like holding hands during the Our Father or other things distract me from prayer. My husband and I certainly don't expect perfection from our son. We are content if he quietly colors, sits in our lap or looks through books.
As I found Mass becoming more and more a source of tension in our family and my husband and I were both getting tired of lecturing him on Mass behavior, I took a new angle. We got into car after Mass and my son was waiting for the lecture. Instead, this is what I said:
"So- how would you feel if the next gift you got, I threw it away or tore it apart or broke it?" This caught my son off-guard. "That would be mean". "Yep, it would be mean."
"Did you know that when you misbehave and make noise and are disruptive, that's what you are doing to us?" He looked puzzled. "Misbehaving in Mass isn't like when you misbehave in the grocery store. Going to Mass isn't just something on Mommy and Daddy's to do list." He took this in. "It's Jesus' gift to us." My husband went on and we discussed how being loud and disruptive takes away from everyone's gift.
Hopefully, one day he will realize what a gift Mass is for him, as well.
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